How to set boundaries with clingy mother in law?

U & your husband need to tell her face to face or else she'll think its ok & will keep doing it....u r his wife now let it b shown/said by the both of ya...if not it might get even more worse even if u have baby she might take over being the mom of your own baby so u should have a talk ....good luck & be strong

Clingy Mother In Law

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How to set boundaries with clingy mother in law?

I've been with my husband for 6 years, married just a month ago. His mother has always been very clingy and needy. She would call everyday, and visit multiple times a week. She's taken the hint from us not answering the phone, and is calling less. But now she texts everyday. And still tries...

There is no point in talking rationally, it sounds awful but you've tried once and when they think they're in control it's already too late to be polite. Stop all contact until she realises who the parent is and who the grandparent is. If she wants to talk fine, tell her you're the parent, you make the decisions, it's nice that she wants to be involved, and you don't want to cut her out of your child's life, but she is not the parent, she is just the grandparent, and she has no bearing over how the child is brought up, what you say goes. My MIL has a huge problem with me not spanking my daughter, apparently she'll turn into a devil child if I don't, she's a lovely well behaved little girl. I had to refuse to leave my daughter alone with her because she would spank whenever she misbehaved, instead of using our discipline methods. She learnt that if she wanted to be a grandma, that's all she could be, she wasn't mum and wasn't even close to being mum. It sounds harsh, but sometimes a shock is all they need to scare them into action. As a side note, whilst you say your child isn't going to be staying there, trust me, there are going to be times, when your best babysitter is going to be your mum or your MIL rather than some kid from the neighbourhood and it's easier to take them there rather than to have them poking around your house. Also when you go to visit, where are you going to put baby when they're sleeping etc It's nice that she's trying to help, but the controlling should stop. Edit: Forgot to add, you don't have to let anybody into the labour room that you don't want there. If the nurses know her (I'm sure they will if she works there) just say you don't want her there or anywhere near your room and they won't let her in, simple. But afterwards, it would be nice for her to meet her new grandchild, just as much as your parents are going to meet him or her. She shouldn't be left out just because so far she's been overbearing, give her a chance to change once she really understands what she's doing.

unless she reads minds..........................you have go to get this idea across.

I would send her nice letter...text or email and tell her that you really would like to have a little more private time with your husband.....that you would appreciate it if she would keep the contacts down to a dull roar of a couple time a month. Put in there that you enjoy your visits together, but your lives are hectic and you would really appreciate it if she would just give you both some space....

I come from a very mothering family..................if they are not fighting with you.( mother and 3 sisters)..they are at the door......emailing calling everyday.....and I many times dreaded the coming morning......

I know how hard it is, to allow your own life to feel the on going pinch of a smothering relative.....always feeling badly about moving them out a bit.....but lets face it.....they don't seem to feel badly about the smothering.....they know what they are doing.

so...stand firm....write a nice letter..and tell her how once a month would be much better....and that your lives need some space.

I have to say.......................having a mother in law...calling...writing or visiting every week is too much.

when that relative creeps into our bedroom.....at night....through conversation on..." what are we going to do"

its time to do something drastic.......and truth is the way to achieve some peace....dont lie or fabricate...just lay it on the line.....then if she doesn't go along...change the phone number and block all texts....don't answer the door, place a sign on the door saying......

" enjoying private time together"

I know how awkward it is to bring something up out of the blue, but isn't your mother expecting you and your husband, out of the blue, to accommodate her needs? I don't see anything unordinary about telling her your feelings straight up given the circumstances. You can tell her "hey, I know this sounds out of the blue, but neither I nor your son appreciate spending a lot of time with you." See how she reacts. If she doesn't throw a fit, pat yourself on the back and continue: "We also don't like how you text us all the time." If she doesn't lose it this time she should get the picture and relax. She'll probably try to manipulate you into feeling bad by ceasing all conversation, but give it two or three weeks and you'll adjust. Good luck.

You both need to go out more make plans don't tell her . Go on holidays ect. Or visit her instead of her coming to you . Don't reply to texts either and just say you are very busy.