How much to push 5 year old to write and learn?

Question

I have been a tutor for a five year old for almost a year now. When he started he was four, and was supposed to be entering kindergarten in September; however the mom decided that kindergarten was too expensive and wants me to just keep teaching him.

I taught him to read and write. Originally the dad (who is lives in another country) just wanted me to talk to him so he wouldn't lose his English (we live in Russia and I'm American) and to get his started with writing. I spend two hours every weekday with him.

But later the dad decided he wanted me to teach him to write too. I also just started teaching him math because it was something else to do with the two hours every day.

The kid hates to write.  When the dad came to visit to watch in on our lessons, he decided that he wanted me to have the kid write twice a lesson for 15 minutes. For a while I had to pressure the kid to do it and say "your dad really wants you to, etc, etc." just to get him to sit down and write nine letters every day.  So we've been doing this. We sit down twice during the two hours and he writes nine letters in like a minute (when he's not stalling or complaining or dropping the pencil on the floor) and then we go back to playing around with legos.  But now he has started to say he absolutely hates to write and never, ever wants to do it and makes a different excuse every day, etc.  I've tried many different fun ways to get him to write. He likes mazes and sometimes coloring and tracing numbers for the "scores" of different games we play.  But it is rare, pretty much never, that he wants to write words anywhere, on lined paper or anywhere else.  His writing is legible but sometimes really messed up. I think he is a good deal worse than the kids his age at the school I teach at, who are forced to write for about 15 minutes a day and have their letters erased by the teacher if they aren't perfect and get punished if they don't finish a quota of letters a day. (I'm not the teacher I teach 3 year olds.)

So my question is, is it good to push or force the kid (or kids in general) to write and do other stuff at age 3-5 or is it better to just give them lots of ideas for fun learning and let them do what they want.  

As far as this specific student, the mother (who he lives with) never watches the lessons or gives any critique or feedback about what we do whatsoever.  The father (who lives in another country) came for  a week and watched two lessons and had some critique and said I need to push him to write twice a lesson. They are divorced and split the payments for the lessons between themselves.

I also have a class of 3 year olds where two of the kids just run around and never want to write anything or do any crafts at all.  So should I be giving them time outs and trying to scare them and punish them into doing the activities (no matter how much they cry when they get time outs) or should I just forget the time outs and if they don't write with the rest of the class just let it go.

(I use stickers as motivation already. Just wondering if I should try punishments sometimes too, or if you think I shoud never punish them at all.)

What is your philosophy?  Thanks.

leslie b · Accepted Answer

I don't think dad's wish to push this child is constructive.  I wonder if you can work on fine motor skills that contribute to writing in a fun way.  Legos is one way to do this.  Finger painting is another.  Another one is put rice or flour on a cookie sheet and write or draw in it.  My favorite one is shaving cream on the table: messy but fun!  Write and draw in it.  Encourage him to practice writing his letters with his finger in fun ways like this, and then when dad is there to watch, it will be easier for him to write in a more conventional way such as with pencil and paper.  You might also want to try some different kinds of writing tools.  Gel pens, glitter pens, colored pencils, crayons (there's a lot of different kinds, maybe try the fluorescent ones!), etc. might make writing more interesting for him. When the weather is nice, go outside and use sidewalk chalk on the pavement, or write in mud with sticks.  And the 3 year olds who just run around just aren't ready for writing yet.  Maybe if you use some of these fun activities instead of structured writing activities it will be more productive.  Basic fine motor strength and coordination are essential to writing, and these fun kinds of activities will build those skills without making the kids hate writing.  Also, crafts are not a constructive activity with kids this young.  They should be allowed to explore and experiment with materials.  Provide play dough (it's easy to make, you could make it and play with it together) and cookie cutters for them to manipulate and play with.  Show them how to paint with water colors and let them create on their own.  Child-safe scissors are a great fine motor exercise.  Provide paper, scissors and glue and let them experiment.  You could show them how to cut out shapes and make a picture with the shapes, but don't expect their products to look like yours.  Just let them experiment.  And if some of them just make confetti, so what?  Show them how to paint glue on their paper and sprinkle their confetti on it!

Sacapuntas26 · Answer

I do think it is too early to be pushing him so hard.  I am in the US and I know things are different in other cultures so I don't know if that is culturally normal for Russia.  In general if children are pushed too hard too early, they will develop a dislike for whatever subject they are being pushed in and it may continue to be a battle their entire lives.  Most kids (in the US) start reading and writing around 4-6 years old.  Their writing at that time is irregular.  Letters are different heights and may not line up at all.  They put spaces in the middle of words and then not between.  Often the letters are scattered and only readable if the child tells you what he wrote pointing out each letter.  My 4 year old only has about a 3-5 minute attention span for writing.  His muscles just get tired and he does not have the strength to go on.  If the father is very strict about you continuing to push him so hard, you need to take time to work on building finger muscles and dexterity so he will eventually be capable of that sort of writing.  It will take time though.  Good exercises include: Modeling clay, pop beads, stringing beads, squeezing balls, putting pegs in a pegboard, etc.  Good Luck!

Anonymous · Answer

I would be very careful about MAKING him do writing as he may see it as a chore and not learn the fun and enjoyment-if it seems like you are forcing him he may see it as a negative experience and back away even further. Try making it fun: wet sand in a tray-use fingers to make marks-dont have to be letters can just be squiggles-can also use shaving foam, thin layer of ketchup etc. : Role Play-does he like scooby, spiderman etc-can make writing into a game or buy stationary with characters on it. Also times like birthdays/xmas where you're son can make a list of things he wants-doesnt matter if you cant read it its actually enjoying writing which is the aim. Other things to do is work on other strengthing of fine motor skills-scissors, peg and boards, pegging washing on lines, actions song eg: Tommy Thumb, lego etc. Good luck for September-a lot can happen in the next 5 months!

Anonymous · Answer

I say PUSH HIM lazyness will get him no where! He is 5 that is kindergarten age and if he attends a good one he will be required to write way more than just 9 letters my 5 year old has been writing sentences since age 3 he may hate it TOUGH COOKIES! It is part of life get used to it. You cannot just let kids be kids ALL the timr. Make that kid write. Write three sentences and have him read each one and write it underneath your sentences to kina copy your handwriting my son does this everyday I write things like " jeremiah can write very neat" or "smart boys do great" GOOD LUCK

Judy · Answer

About the five year old boy you should tell his mother. She will talk to him or maybe she will even say that you don't need to teach him how to write. You should ask her opinion.
Or maybe you can try bribing the little boy with chocolate.
For the 3 year old kids who run around you should give them a warning first and if they don't listen then send them outside to sit in the hallway and close the door. Then after 2 minutes call them back in and ask if they are ready to behave and if they say yes then see how they are. If they disturb again send them out for longer.
You should tell their parents if this doesn't help.

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How much to push 5 year old to write and learn?

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