Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

?
Lv 7
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

Is my "Where I'm From" poem good?

This is a Language Arts assignment and I spent hours working on this poem. I also have to make a video. I have to read this poem slowly and find pictures that match the poem with a song playing in the background.

I don't know if I formatted this correctly so if you could, would you please give me some suggestions? Are there any better words I can use?

Any way to make it better?

Here's the poem:

I am from computers,

From Windows and the Internet.

I am from the lazy weekends in my bedroom.

Alone, secluded, with the sound of music playing in the background.

I am from the maple tree,

The season, autumn

with beautiful colors and the cool, crisp air.

I'm from Asian dinners and bad eyesight,

from being the daughter of Elaine and Myron.

I'm from a hardworking, but fun-loving family

And from the large extended family where I know almost no one.

From keep moving forwards and be careful who you trust.

I'm from church wishing Jesus happy birthday on Christmas.

I'm from the homeland of the fierce dragon.

From noodles and chopsticks.

From the land of Kongzi where my grandfather grew up.

The dear little sister who has lived in the hospital for over six months.

I'm from the bottom, but I am climbing the stairs to success and happiness. And I'll keep climbing higher and higher.

Any song suggestions too?

I was thinking of using either Summertime Sadness or Born to Die, both by Lana Del Rey.

Update:

I'm only 8th grade so I am sorry if it's bad. I don't think it's very good either. That's why I'm asking for help.

Please be honest.

4 Answers

Relevance
  • ?
    Lv 5
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is lovely and very far beyond what students your age generally write. I'm old, so I can't advise you about the music, but your poetry needs something happier than the titles seem to suggest.

    The only change I would make, if you need to hand in the text, would be to divide the last line after "happiness."

  • 8 years ago

    Very good!

  • hey it's nice

    :O ur 8th grader i didn't know :)

  • 7 years ago

    are you asian

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.