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Am I wrong for wanting to be selfish?
I have been in a relationship with a guy for about a year. We met while living in the same state, and he moved to another state to attend college. Our relationship started off great, but we were afraid of distance getting in the way of our relationship. I was living in my hometown and attending a local community college when he asked me to move in the middle of the semester, and go to where he was. I was hesitant at first, but nonetheless, I dropped out of school, left my friends and family behind, and moved out there to be with him. Our relationship has been rocky, but we are both settled out here and attending the same school. He accepted a job with our school that causes him to be busy a lot, and he recently informed me that he was applying for a program to study and work on the other side of the country, and it would cause him to be away for seven months. I wanted to be supportive of his life decisions, but part of me felt upset and kind of angry. I have made many sacrifices for him, and he has never made one. He has always made decisions that have put strain on our relationship, and I wish he would do one thing for us, but it is always about his wants and selfish gains. When I told him how I felt, he told me that I made the choice to come out here for him, but he is out here for school, and that he is taking whatever opportunities come to him. I know I should be supportive, but I am tired of always being put second to everything he wants to do. I am not stopping him from achieving his goals, but I'm tired of feeling neglected and left out. Am I wrong for thinking this way? What should I do?
Yeah, I tried putting it in Singles & Dating, but it kept changing it to this category so I apologize for the mix up.
5 Answers
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
ever hear the expression "if you love something let it go, if it was yours it will come back, if not it never was" i'm paraphrasing but you get the idea and i believe that relates to your situation. While i understand you frustration, I don't see anything wrong with his actions, he is trying to make the best life for himself as possible while you only want to be with him and put your life on hold, love shouldn't work like that, everybody needs their own life first and a relationship secound If you build you life around 1 person, what happens when theyre gone? you are left with nothing and will feel rather hopeless, sorry if this sucks to hear but i hope it helps, my advice would be to start focusing on your life a little more and worrying about him a little less, no need to breakup or anything but who knows it might even improve your relationship when he sees you have ambitions of your own
- ♠ Merlin ♠Lv 78 years ago
i'm afraid i am on his side
sorry
he is at school and he should be taking advantage of every opportunity that comes along to further his experience and career
and it was your choice to move there
however i can see your point, and frankly it sucks, that it has come to this
did you not know he could be away like this? (my son is at uni and i know he may have a placement abroad for 12 months mid study)
you have 3 choices here
stay, and make the best of things until he returns
return home to family and friends and pick up your studies there and maintain a LDR
or return home to family and friends and pick up your studies there and cease the relationship
choice is yours to make though
- 8 years ago
As what they have said, before loving someone, love yourself first, and everything else follows. But at least, use both heart and your head with every decision that you do. Then after that, try to ask yourself, "is that you're final answer?" Then after deciding, make sure to smile.
- .Lv 78 years ago
This should be in Singles & Dating...
You feel how you feel...it's not wrong to feel that way, but it sounds like if you intend to stay with this guy you're going to have to accept that his life is always going to be about him, and if you aren't willing to adjust your life to suit what he wants or plans to do, you're going to spend a fair amount of time unhappy and resentful...
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