How does "Honest Doormen" on a ten beat count sound?

I initially read your finely - metred write

at @ 5 a. m. and at that hour read it

as The Doorman being the person receiving souls landed

at the far side of The River Styx!

So here is a less sombrely - interpreted response:

I think you`ve very deftly, depicted that once

The Door to the Blues is ajar, the Blues flood in and in fact,

te only bribery to close it I ever discovered

is music either to exhaust the Blues or to close that door again

(Brahms does it for me - and Tracy Chapman!) and lift me out of them!

[I sing blues, BTW}.

Being enamoured of psychological shifts, I enjoy the air of

`inevitable duress` nicely understated in the closing couplet.

*road of lonely journeys*

I offer you the suggestion to create a chorus and put this to music -

really good theme you have chosen...Kudos.

Mr. Ripple

Some of the so-called 'experts' here on YAP will tell you (if you claim it,

so I guess you better not) that you achieved an iambic pentameter here.

I read this slowly and I think you did it, though some lines are shaky, still,

admirable job Mr. Ripple, considering you were working on a 10 syllable

count and trying to maintain a good enough script. Too, you added a

somewhat poignant story of a doorman who does not get enough credit.

Congrat sire

Singing in blues makes the most sense, the news

is so tragic. They forgot the magic ensues

when we prompt it or conjure. Warmongers wait.

We foment sorrow, surrounded by hate.

The scene is horrific, the bodies that bloat

in the river of denial- how long can hopes float

upon belief in heaven, skies threaten to break

with a torrent of shards piercing hard hearts, now wake!

Surely there are some solutions left for later;

and in our seclusion illusion of Earth's end, fate, or

wrath of the deities, my velleities are cues.

You wont learn what's really happening by watching TV news.

As I climb the mountain, there was tombs, and there just a walk away up, My hearted mine was at aw, by what I say, it was the Lord and on each side them who hung that day in aged grease wood, but of him I kissed and in my wonder of these things, letting go off we went on the step rock path and reaching the top I stood with my daughter Adrianne. The top of the Goat Mountain, we stood. And in, I spotted a fresh pile of stones with in the center, the North West, a new four by four post in the middle, saying to me, this will be mine. But yet in the south side, this top, the cross stood high in the sky. But what, is this to me.

And in my trifle I spooky, said I must get down to the wife and saved. For in so the church was one only of her, the peace that shattered the power.

The story

And this was just part of that day that started with a star

And She said, three times send it .

Cartoon Army

https://myspace.com/cartoonarmy/music/song/doorman...

Doorman Blues

I'm not a Poet or a critic just a reader of Poetry and this Sir was a very enjoyable read Thank you :)

Give me ten steps head start when the doorman comes...

This is an awesome poem with a very strong message ^_~

Reads well, and a good metaphorical piece.