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Frederic asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

Does this poem convey sadness?

The past, a memory covered in fog

There's nothing but shadows that come and go

A silent movie without dialogue

A dark play, laughter and a freak show

I have seen blackened skies with all their storms

And touched the salt water that moves with tides

Held trembling hands that sought to be warm

Cried in anguish as humanity died

I was nothing, I'll be nothing after

In between are the fleeting tomorrows

On farthest hills play children in laughter

Never seeing the time that they borrow

To be that child again, filled with wonder

Not the bitter man life split asunder

Update:

sad teddy, but not as sad as being drafted hauled off

to war, where yes humanity died

Update 2:

sad teddy, but not as sad as being drafted hauled off

to war, where yes humanity died

7 Answers

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  • Nat
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well conceived with nicely organized movement.

    I would economize slightly

    The shadows that come and go (you could also eliminate "the" at the start).

    "celebration" stronger than "laughter"

    I have seen blackened skies, their storms

    touched salt water in restless tides

    Held trembling hands seeking warmth

    In between, fleeting tomorrows ( also you might rethink "fleeting"...over-used)

    Unaware of time they borrow (I removed "the" and "that"..

    but got carried away with "unaware"...sorry.

    All I did was remove uneeded words, mainly articles, that

    the reader will fill in for themselves, self-involving them even more

    in this well written poem that conveys emotional reflection

    with slight sadness..

    Good closing couplet.

  • 8 years ago

    Yes it is dark but not as dark as the day my well dried up, my wife ran oft..stole my only pickup truck

    the kids got sick and cost my seven thousand dollars, My dog got run over and started to holler. Just then when I thought it couldn't get any worse a twirlicaine twister came down and moved heaven and earth

    but don't worry bout' me I'm a doin okay just another typical dark and twisted up day :)

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I felt it was fairly personal until you hit the line about humanity dying.

    I think it's well done and does convey a deep sadness. At the risk of irritating you, and mind you, I think you are good at this, I would replace the line about humanity died.

  • 8 years ago

    to some degree yes.

    my boyfriend is a Viet Nam Vet and that political war did things to him

    that cannot be undone, What really saddens me is to see the way our vets are being treated now.

    sorry I kind of got off track, the war kills something in a man and twists other things in his mind.

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  • 8 years ago

    An emotional and overwhelmingly sad poem.

    Peace is just a mere interval between wars...

  • 8 years ago

    yes

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    yes it sounds rather sad.

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