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Does this poem convey sadness?
The past, a memory covered in fog
There's nothing but shadows that come and go
A silent movie without dialogue
A dark play, laughter and a freak show
I have seen blackened skies with all their storms
And touched the salt water that moves with tides
Held trembling hands that sought to be warm
Cried in anguish as humanity died
I was nothing, I'll be nothing after
In between are the fleeting tomorrows
On farthest hills play children in laughter
Never seeing the time that they borrow
To be that child again, filled with wonder
Not the bitter man life split asunder
sad teddy, but not as sad as being drafted hauled off
to war, where yes humanity died
sad teddy, but not as sad as being drafted hauled off
to war, where yes humanity died
7 Answers
- NatLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
Well conceived with nicely organized movement.
I would economize slightly
The shadows that come and go (you could also eliminate "the" at the start).
"celebration" stronger than "laughter"
I have seen blackened skies, their storms
touched salt water in restless tides
Held trembling hands seeking warmth
In between, fleeting tomorrows ( also you might rethink "fleeting"...over-used)
Unaware of time they borrow (I removed "the" and "that"..
but got carried away with "unaware"...sorry.
All I did was remove uneeded words, mainly articles, that
the reader will fill in for themselves, self-involving them even more
in this well written poem that conveys emotional reflection
with slight sadness..
Good closing couplet.
- Teddy BarrettLv 68 years ago
Yes it is dark but not as dark as the day my well dried up, my wife ran oft..stole my only pickup truck
the kids got sick and cost my seven thousand dollars, My dog got run over and started to holler. Just then when I thought it couldn't get any worse a twirlicaine twister came down and moved heaven and earth
but don't worry bout' me I'm a doin okay just another typical dark and twisted up day :)
- Anonymous8 years ago
I felt it was fairly personal until you hit the line about humanity dying.
I think it's well done and does convey a deep sadness. At the risk of irritating you, and mind you, I think you are good at this, I would replace the line about humanity died.
- `nancyLiz ©`Lv 48 years ago
to some degree yes.
my boyfriend is a Viet Nam Vet and that political war did things to him
that cannot be undone, What really saddens me is to see the way our vets are being treated now.
sorry I kind of got off track, the war kills something in a man and twists other things in his mind.
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- PANDORA ΠανδώραLv 78 years ago
An emotional and overwhelmingly sad poem.
Peace is just a mere interval between wars...
- Anonymous8 years ago
yes it sounds rather sad.