How to motivate a 22yr. old?

Are there any talents or interests he occasionally shows? Is your son amenable to a family conference?

My first thought was military bootcamp for the structure and discipline your grandson seems to need, but this might be a later goal once you get him into some sort of compliance with (and consideration of) house rules. "Baby steps" is what occurred to me for trying to turn around the bad-habit behaviors, so I would suggest having K cook the dinners each day (let him be responsible for feeding you, your husband, and himself. Start out with having him help you do the preparations, and praise what you can to build his confidence. Invite someone over as a guest as a "boast" that K is going to be the one who plans and cooks the meal...if you happen to know any police officers (mentor), or someone in the community that K would respect, that would be a person he would want to impress and please so he would be more inclined to do a good job. Resist the temptation to do things for him just because you cook well---let him make some decisions on meal-planning and then encourage him to do the work himself, making sure he receives some public recognition for his efforts.

How about having him do laundry for the family, too? He may goof it up at first or be unsure of himself (maybe to trick you into doing it for him), but set a laundry day each week and have him do this as a way of earning his keep.

Study this young man...watch his patterns and how he reacts to praise or criticism, see if there are small things he does on his own without being asked (and figure out how to nurture this "loaves and fishes" element of his personality). Ask him questions while the two of you work together on a project and get him to open up a little at a time as he comes to trust you more and more. When you are upset with him or worried, be honest and tell him---give him a chance to slowly make better choices.

If he is interested in assembly-type tasks, as is my 18-year-old granddaughter, get something that requires assembly and see if he gets into putting this thing together---does he take pride in doing so? Don't push it...just leave the kit or whatever needs assembly where he can work at his own pace and maybe boast about his effort where he can hear you do that (brag on his achievements to someone he wants to impress, if possible).

Start small. He may need a male role model to inspire him. A military drill sergeant might be good...lol. If you could talk him into joining the military that would probably straighten him out rather well.

As long as you coddle him out of a misplaced ideal that he's had a rough life bouncing around from place to place, from what you said, it sounds like he's meeting or going through the motions to maintain a certain level of autonomy while staying with you.

You may need to have a talk with him to find out what he thinks of where his life is going and if he has a plan of what he wants to do besides being an emotional, economic leech off of you.

I went through 18 different group homes, foster homes and different stints of time with my grandparents, my dad and for a brief time with my mother, before the cycle repeated itself by more foster homes, then group homes, before I fell back on my plan to join the military.

I would have joined the military sooner, but the Air force wanted me to get some college first, but since I had no money for college and the military offers college tuition, that sort of defeated the purpose for getting a fresh start if they're expecting a recruit to be qualified for officer corps before they join the military.

Needlesstosay, I already had an idea what I wanted to do and how to get it done before I joined the Navy at 20YO.

Knowing how I felt at that age, it would appear that your grandson has pretty much given up on life and is ok allowing other people to provide food and sustenance for him.

Sounds like he could use a few suggestions and if he thinks he can gaff them off like before and you'll keep giving him more rope, then an ultimatum may be the best way to motivate him.

College today is no guarantee of becoming educated in a job skill that's in demand if no-one is hiring and your grandson seems determined to sabotage his own future at each job interview.

If you don't want to end up supporting him until you die, then it's best to give him some tough love, pick a branch of the military and move on with your life, other people have had to get by with a far greater set of adolescent obstacles in their path and they're not resigning themselves to becoming professional slackers that other people feel obligated to support indefinitely.

Sometimes Annie you have to let them make their own bed. He will keep on behaving this way as long as he is allowed to do so. I tried with my son & it didn't work. The more I tried to change him

the more rebeliious he became. He has to learn the hard way that there rules in life everyone has to follow. A hard decision of showing him he cannot stay if he doesn't change he will have to move out. I know in the end it[s your choice but it gets a lot harder if he doesn't change.

.

Quit enabling him.Set some boundaries.Let him use the car for job interviews only.When he finds a job then he can socialize with his friends.Most of all do not let him play on your sympathies. Sounds like a stint in the military would teach him some discipline.Or maybe finding decent people who can help him in your church or synagogue.

Here's an idea: Bring up your own son properly. Then he'll be a good parent to his son.

Ooops, looks like you fvcked that one up,huh.

im only 13 but that is no way to treat family and he need to get out of bed and get a job not only for your sake but if he wakes up at noon and eats all your food and dosent respect you he will never have a life. you need to stand up to him and give him choices that he can ethere respect you and get a job or he can leave and i doute he will leave so if you are stern he will probley be alittle motivated you just need to stand up to him and not let him push you around. you also need him to under stand he cant rely on you forever