Stepson's bday....mom died the same day...dilemma please help!?

He's 32 yrs old...he needs to grow up. He should understand the pain your in...it's NOT all about him.

He's being very selfish!

Honestly, she died two years ago, you can find ways to remember her and still go to his party. This seems like it was a special occasion to your stepson and you not going only makes it seem like he isn't important enough for you to care about. It doesn't matter if you asked to do something else. This was a party for him, you can't have a party do over just because you didn't feel like going. I think his reaction was probably over the top though. But I understand why he would feel that way.

His birthday just happened to share the same day as your mother's passing. You don't have to dwell on that day as being the day your mother passed. Think about something positive you could do to remember her memory instead of remembering the day you lost her.

My husband's dad actually died on my mom's Birthday. It was a very traumatic experience for him and it happened before he ever even knew me. It still affects his mood every year. Because he makes it a point to remember that is the day his life fell apart. Try and make it a point to not let that happen, because it can happen every year for the rest of your life if you let it.

For many, their birthday is very important. My oldest son's girlfriend celebrates a whole week, not just on her day. I've seen many on facebook who do as well. But then again, thier happy to have been born and are happy to go over board.

I wouldn't call him and cuss. I'd try to explain about how it's your fault for still being in the grieving stage of losing your mother. Let him know that we all grieve in our own way and our own time. Assure him that his birthday is very special for all of you. Again, state that you'll be making up the dinner to them just a few days later. I can see both sides. He is feeling that he's alive and wants to celebrate as being alive, while a person who passed away, on his birthdate, is getting more attention than he. Okay, it's a 'date", so he's wondering why after this date, his feelings are being paid attention to. He also fears his birthday will be ignored now forever because of your mother's passing. I feel for him but I also feel for you. I wouldn't go calling him up and cussing him out though. It would make you look as if you don't give a sh*t about his birthday either. I'd force hubby to go to his son tonight. You can handle staying alone a few hours. Take a hot bath and do your grieving of mom and fill your thoughts with the good memories of her alone.

I sort of understand how you feel. My dad passed away the last day of my first year of law school, and my graduation day was that day 3 years later. It was a bittersweet day. You have to learn to celebrate the happiness in life and I'd imagine that your mom wouldn't want you to stop enjoying life to be sad on the day she passed away. Have a moment to yourself to miss your mom and try to let your heart be lightened by the happiness of the same day. Like they say life goes on whether or not we want it to.

That said his step-son's over-reaction was out of line. It is only the 2nd anniversary of her passing and if the two of you decide not to go that is for the step-son to accept. He is a grown man and capable of being understanding and maybe even a little compassionate.

I don't get this business of mourning on the anniversary of people's death. Don't you think that person would want you to move on with your life? Another thing that rubs me the wrong way are people who obsess about their parents dying. My parents both died when I was an adult. I was especially close to my mom and it was sad. I still think of her now and then and miss her. But I couldn't for the life of me tell you the date she died. Same goes for my dad.

My wife lost her mom when she was 7 and her dad when she was 9. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself on this day, you should count your blessings that I had my parents for as long as you did.

Celebrate life. Not death.

He should have come to the party. And the overgrown child in the room should be more understanding of him not making it.For god sakes, I got over no one wanting to spend time with me on my birthday and I just move on.

stepson has a point. Life goes on. your mum is dead and he is alive. his birthday is a time for celebration not mourning. remembrance is not the same as mourning.