How do I get over my husband lying to me?

Question

Essentially, my husband stole about three thousand dollars to help pay for our wedding and honeymoon. I found out about this a few months later while going through is bank statements (we were buying a house and I was making sure everything was in order. I wasn't sneaking around or anything.). He put our financial lives at risk, not o mention our future incase he went to jail.

He's done other stuff in our past like promising to do something REALLY important, and then just never doing it (among MANY other things). When we were friends, he would get me to buy him things and help him but would never return the favor. I wouldn't have gotten engaged and married him if I knew that he was still like that.

What I hate the most is he looked at me on our wedding day and essentially lied. He said that he saved the money for our wedding and honeymoon but he didn't. I feel like what should have been one of the most special days if my life is ruined because I only look back and see the lies.

A few days after I found out about the money, I ended up miscarrying. We also had to be out of the apartment that day. I ended up having to help him move everything out, despite the physical and emotional pain I was going through. My husband wouldn't ask anyone to help him, so I had to do it. And this is a man who would help ANYONE else in a heartbeat. It reminds me of when we were just friends and he put himself first, then everyone else and then me.

We are in counseling, but I don't know if it is helping. I feel like I am angrier. Any advice? Books that someone may have read?

? · Accepted Answer

I understand your anger - I recently found out my partner took out a 10000 loan for his father - without telling me, missing payments on our home as his folks needed cash. I was so angry and disappointed. I try really hard to save and budget and work smartly with our money. But I couldn't change what he had done, my anger didn't make the debt go away and so I decided to be much more proactive. Some people just are not as good with cash as others, some people need help. So I said to him what ever is done is done but from now on we do this together, I don't want to make the mistakes his folks made and end up broke and with no further planning like retirement funds etc, so now we plan together we budget together, we saw a financial advisor together to make smart decisions about our future. You can't change what he did nor control what has happened, all you can do is change your reaction to it.

Don't think of your wedding day in terms of money, remember the memories. He probably lied to make you happy! Yes it was stupid, but also sweet in a silly way. 

Read the 5 love languages, loved that book!

Anonymous · Answer

well, it is very unfortunate but the fact is that you married a total loser, he is a thief and a liar, he is now and for the most part will always be a untrustworthy bum, dump him asap, it is a good thing you found this out before the kids come along, sorry about your miscarriage you should have not done anything to help with the move in the condition you were in, I have moved my family several times and at no time did I ask my wife to help carry any of the big or heavy stuff, real men are out there, you need to find one, not this worthless, lying, thieving no good so and so.

malcolmx · Answer

It seems that although your husband is NICE, he is not providing. He is expecting you to be the provider. His life appears secretive and he is probably still lying about a few things. I would separate for now and try to focus on yourself. Im am very sorry about your miscarriage, but imagine if you would have had that baby, AND YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT, AND YOU HAD TO BUY DIAPERS, FORMULA, AND YOU HAD TO PAY HIS BILLS....understand? It would have been much harder. Besides God always gives you another baby when it's the right time so dont be sad or despair.
Right now separating is the best thing. You should move in if possible with an aunt or your mom, and he needs to move on by himself. Good Luck to you and God Bless.

rkrell · Answer

There are no books that are going to help you.  This is all about looking deep down inside of yourself and figuring out what you are willing to accept.  Honestly this is a big deal when we are talking about your future and future happiness.  After all if you can't trust him going forward you are never going to be happy.  I think you need to dig deep and if this is not the life you want then you need to walk away before it gets worse.  If it is the life you want then you have to accept who he is and let the past go.

Anonymous · Answer

" And this is a man who would help ANYONE else in a heartbeat". Well I'm sorry but I disagree with you. He doesn't sound like a REAL man, he sounds like a person who does not know how to be honest and is selfish to boot!
I'm sorry about your miscarriage. Please encourage your husband to get some real help before you guys decide to try for another baby. He's not mature enough to be a husband, let alone, father.

λngelicϐeauty Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ · Answer

a great book is this ----> http://books.google.com/books?id=2r9KIVQXkokC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

I believe this link takes you to the free book in Google books. VERY affective

Anonymous · Answer

Who did he steal the money from?   And why isn't he in jail?

Dreamer · Answer

Your husband is human and no one is perfect. A marriage is about growing together. Growth requires change. Growth and change assumes imperfection. Allow him the opportunity to grow.

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How do I get over my husband lying to me?

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