Wife refuses to or can't lose weight/ Husband losing interest?

Be a real friend to her and tell her she's right. She MAY lose her husband. I know some will think it's shallow but it is well within her power to make herself healthy again.

Simply ask her, "What's more important to you, keeping this weight or keeping the marriage intact?".

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it sounds like another BOY who thought he married a TROPHY wife and is now disappointed that the trophy is not shining. Men do not define their love for their wife by her looks. Think about it. If he went bald, would you love him less. No, becasue you are his wife. Part of marriage is acceptance that you are both going to get older, gain weight, lose some hair. Would he love you less if you had an accident and were in a wheelchair. True love continues when both people love and accept the person they married. Nobody is perfect. About losing weight, I'll bet she has to do the treadmill while SHE is watching the baby. I'll bet he does not give her time to go out. After a baby life changes.

As for the friend, you aren't one. You look at her and judge instead of being support. leave and let her find other REAL Friends Friends like you are real enemies. .

Ouch. What a hard situation to be in. As women we're told to love ourselves no matter what size we are yet at the same time we should love ourselves enough to not let ourselves become too big and unhealthy. As her friend, I would stress that it's not about her appearance, it's about her health. If she's going to lose weight, she has to do it for herself and not because she might lose her husband. Plus that treadmill gift might have come off the wrong way if she didn't ASK for a treadmill. I do think her husband is too focused on her appearance and should have approached the whole thing from a health standpoint. He has destroyed his wife's confidence in their marriage now. I wish them luck working it out.

Some new moms use the extra weight they have gained as a form of birth control. In that they know they are not sexually appealing with the extra weight on, so it protects them from intimacy and therefore, pregnancy. However, that is not always the case. She may be having some other issues with perhaps a slight depression. If she always was even somewhat fit and was actively keeping her house clean but is no longer doing that, then it could be a mild depression or some other imbalance. But, no matter what, to lose weight takes a commitment and if she is not ready, nothing is gong to help her and certainly the stress on her marriage is adding to the issues already being dealt with. You know, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Talk to her and let her know that being unhealthy effects her self image. See if she wants to walk with you. She needs a friend.

The gym I go to has a large child care center attached. Help her find a gym with child care.

Often what is unrealized is that the other spouse, the spouse who hasn't put on a lot of weight... comes to believe that THEY are the undesired spouse. When you look at your mate as they get bigger and bigger... it is common to think that they are no longer sexually interested in YOU or they'd still be interested in keeping themselves in shape. He is unhappy. She is unhappy.

She'll be able to keep up with her two year old MUCH more easily if she dropped the weight. That's a fact. The more weight we put on, the more difficult it is to move our bodies around. And that kid is going to be all over the place!

You feel how you feel....she has the right to not care about her weight, and he has the right to find her less physically appealing being 40 lbs heavier than she used to be...

The situation is not uncommon...fat isn't healthy or attractive (to most people)...if she doesn't care enough to take care of herself for herself, her husband, and her child then that says a lot about her...is she suffering from depression??? What has she told you with regard to why she refuses to take steps to lose the pounds??? Does she think she'd find him sexually appealing toting around 40 lbs or more of extra fat??? I've been obese, and never did I find fat men appealing...

She needs to get busy and take care of herself, before it ruins her marriage....getting married or having a child does not give someone the right to let themselves go (because they're no longer trying to attract a partner)...if they don't keep working on keeping their partner attracted, their partner may go elsewhere...

She's not happy.

Women who are not happy often eat to compensate for their emotional pain.

And NOTHING makes a woman unhappier than her marriage not going well.

The more pressure her husband puts on her, the more likely she is to continue to gain weight. Buying a treadmill is NOT "nice" .. not unless SHE asked for one. It is pressure, and it makes her feel even more guilty. And guilt turns many women to eating. So the husband is making things worse.

As for him ... this business of 40 pounds is in his head.

The human species is programmed to respond to sexual stimuli, 40 pounds extra or not.

He has no better control over his emotions than she does, if her weight is turning him off.

If he cheats on her, he is not worth being anyone's husband.

The wedding vows are "for better or worse", and the aging process guarantees that the older we get, the "worse" we will look.

As for "seeming unwilling" .. no one can judge her for what she can and cannot do.

If eating is her coping strategy for unhappiness, then she needs to either become unhappy or to find other coping strategies.

Part of the solution is personal counselling.

The other part is marriage counselling.

And her husband needs personal counselling too, if he lets weight cause discord, cheating or divorce in his marriage.

You say she's not taking care of her marriage? He's not taking care of their marriage either.

You say she's a friend of yours, but you are not being a very good friend. You need to stop being so judgmental.

She had a kid and women's body changes after having a baby. He doesn't love her enough to have sex with her even though her body is not the same anymore. Of course no one wants to be over weight and I understand the husband probably wants her to get that hot body back but he has no right to divorce her because of that reason! Your friend need to take care of herself too! Look good even if she stays home (for the husband). If she doesn't want him to cheat on her then she better shape up and quit being lazy and clean herself up. It doesn't matter how fat or skinny a women get after having kids, if their husband truly love them then a vagina is a vagina!

When someone confides their marital troubles to another person, outside the marriage, especially of the opposite sex, its not a good thing. It doesn't help solve anything, distances the person from their spouse, and you only hear one side of the story. You are also setting yourself up for the beginnings of an affair, possibly, which , although symptomatic of a marriage in trouble , is destructive and hurtful . You are not doing her any favors by being her "confidante".

Regardless of your opinion, you should stay out of this. Its between them. If she wants to talk to someone else, let it be a marriage counselor, who can then involve both of them and teach some problem solving skills, as well as help her with her weight issue.