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Is it okay to characterize someone like this?

We are working on direct characterization in our English essays. Does this sound all right (the last sentence is the one in particular, the rest are giving general background)?:

"Later I meet up with the other Central Illinois delegates, Lydia and Jenny. The Ugandan delegates, Florence and Monica, come running toward us in their traditional dress, bubbling over with excitement. We met them the day everyone went to Brookfield Zoo to learn about Environmental MDGs, and have been running into them ever since. I admire the intricateness of their sky-blue toga-like dresses that seem as light as the air against their dark skin, and the strings of white lilies hanging around their necks."

1 Answer

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think this works for characterization, if they'll always be a pair. But some indirect characterization (e.g., the dialog that comes after the paragraph above) will help to further differentiate these two characters from each other, if needed.

    Two thoughts:

    I don't think "intricateness" is a word, and even if it is, I don't think it's the right word here. Vibrancy maybe?

    Also, the "bubbling over with excitement" part characterizes them too, but then it doesn't go anywhere... there's no information about what they're so excited about, so that kind of leaves the reader hanging. Is it just their natural exuberance? Or is something happening?

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