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Reyvrex asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

"Legacy" just a poem, care to c/c?

.

Legacy

This dawn, the legacy of nights before,

Breaks from horizons of the distant past,

In land so faraway, on stranger shore,

Now gone, but not mementos that still last

Carved in a lasting medium much more strong,

To stand the test of both nature and time

All to bequeath to sons, to hearts a song,

In every generation, age and clime

Find no memorials proudly hewn in stones,

Nor citadels to champion this place,

But where I trod, on dust or shards of bones,

Lie brave brisk souls, the essence of my race;

Their sinews bound the fillings of this ground,

Their blood mixed with the water from below,

From there are heard their battle cries still sound,

For all these things, deep in my heart, I know.

.

Update:

HH, thanks for your review. Very valid, my friend. "Carved IN a LASTing MEDium MUCH more STRONG" is Iambic pentameter as you see. (caps are the stressed syllable) Nice day.

2 Answers

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  • Thomas
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Questor

    For your knowledge alone to write with imagery

    of times past, Sir Thomas would be proud,

    well written, some were iambic pentameter, but

    did you mean this to just be a rhymed arrangement?

    Too, last stanza, curious, is "water from below"

    and where the battle cries were still sound, and

    place way down, separated from the God above?

    Congrat sire

  • 7 years ago

    Not my cup of tea but this is generally good.

    I don't understand what you mean by "but not mementos that still last"

    and the line: "Carved in a lasting medium much more strong"

    made me laugh because I have never once seen you use "a lasting medium" when "carved in lasting medium more strong" could be used instead. the first being English and the second being Questorese. So yeah I got a chuckle out of the fact that you are not opposed to using English IF IT SCANS.

    I am glad that your great earlier poem could have this one to share the day with. 205, not so much.

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