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? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

Is this poem too cheesy?!?

It's a piece I wrote about my boyfriend of almost one year. We're deeply in love, but I've never let him read anything I've written!

I think of you at red lights, when I'm drinking coffee in the morning, during late night movies, while writing the date on my paper in class. But to be truthful, you're on my mind at 11am and 11pm, and all the time in between. You linger in my head like your cologne on my clothes until the second I drift into sleep, and you occur to me in the moments before I open my eyes in the morning. I spend the intervals in between seconds thinking of the freckles on your face, and your flawless, innocent smile. And when I wake up alone at 4am, I crave to hear the sound of your sleepy voice and feel your hands around my waist. I so badly want to hear your heartbeat, and taste your lips every time I go to sleep next to an empty space where you should be. You can make fun of me for being so cliche, but I swear, you have eyes just like the stars... endlessly fascinating, hiding countless secrets, yet somehow still so familiar, and never unrecognizable even in the darkest of nights. Kissing you elevates me so high up into the clouds that it's an instant reflex to smile immediately after my lips leave yours. And every single time you open your mouth to speak, I feel myself sinking deeper into love with you, falling closer towards the point of no return with every word you say. You are nothing less than perfection. You are nothing less than everything.

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    The sensibilities needed to comprehend beauty are not always parceled out equally. Your boyfriend may lack aesthetic refinement, and your words may go unnoticed. But if I were him, by some chance swap, I'd hold you till the heavens fell.

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    I think its beautiful, try adding a little humour or sayin something like your eyes are like the stars but obviously , not as bright as mine!

    if you want to keep it more on the same tone, its perfect, though try talking about something is not quite matching or stereotypically perfect but that you love that about him as people don't need to be perfect because perfect s quite frankly a little bit scary.

    your an amazing writer and need to keep going but not even your poem needs to be perfect. <3

    please give my first question a shot, I really need some help with it!

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    U have much potential, my friend!

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