How do I find my inner self?

Hello, I'm 15 African american male who lives in the south in lower middle class family. Okay to start off with Start of my school year my dad gets arrested for like 3 months (Thats why we are lower middle class)

Since then hes been on probation he acts like hes doing work but hes helping nobody. Then there is my mom She is so nice to me and I lie because it keeps her happy which in return blows up in my face.

Then there's my little brother I love him so much I almost want to throw him down the stairs. Hes trying to help me but I dont like little kids tell me what to do so then I ridicule him. Then there's my big brother

hes always looking out for me helping me accomplish things that other family members cant. Then there's my auntie shes my spiritual guide when im the tipping point of insanity I call her when Im bout to lose everything.And there is me I play DT in football and love it and its one my outlets in life. Then my friends I dont talk my personal biz to them but they understand me and I understand them.Then my precious Xbox one my other outlets I love it too. Im 200 pounds but I eat healthy and look great.

Love these people, I would hate if something happen to them im scared to look into future.Then there's love... Every year its somebody that I think its the one either chicken out or scare them away.away. That is what makes me lonely. And Congrats to big brother on his son...Thank You for your support :D