I want to end my life?

Question

I've had a really low time since October 2013. I've had enough I just can't take this pain anymore. I cut about 3 times a day and each time around 6 cuts. It's a real struggle hiding them, and my parents and teachers thing I've stopped. I'm doing counselling but I've requested to stop due to my anxiety. My head of year thinks the last time I cut was a couple of weeks ago but actually it was this morning. You may be wondering why I cut well here it is: I'm a lesbian and I live in a homophobic household. My family tease me about what I wear and threaten to kick me out if I'm gay. I cry every night and I just can't cope. I am alone every one would rather be with someone else and at break I hang out with about 6 boys but they would prefer for me to be gone. I was going to kill myself today but I thought about my grandparents and couldn't. I think about suicide everyday. I lie all the time to teachers about how I am and about my mood and thoughts of suicide. On Thursday I started crying in class and had to stand outside to regain control for 5 minutes. I just hate being so sad and nervous all the time! I want this pain to end and if it's death that will stop it then I'll have to take that step. Sorry I'm a real mess but I know I need help. Btw I'm a teen in secondary school. Also I know every teen practically cuts and most for attention or other stupid things but seriously when my friend told my tutor I couldn't stop shaking and I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Thanks, Jahs

boystownhotline · Accepted Answer

Jahs,

It is important that you reach out for help before you do anything to harm yourself.  Things seem pretty bleak right now and it is understandable that you are feeling the way you do, especially with no supports in your life.  Please consider reaching out to a 24 hour suicidal prevention line.  They can really help talk you through these thoughts.  Also you can try the Trevor project.  They have a website and a 24 hour phone number and could really help you get through this tough time.  Also you can try the website yourlifeyourvoice.org where you can connect with a counselor 4 different ways.

Maybe tonight you could try and write down some of these thoughts.  Keeping a journal is a really good way to cope with some of these feelings as it gives a safe place to open up about the feelings you are having.

Hang in there ok?  Things seem tough right now but these thoughts can get better. Just try to stay positive and think of the good things you have in your life today.  Reach out for help.  You don't need to be alone tonight.

Take care,

CO, Boys Town National Hotline

Anonymous · Answer

Jahs, your sexual orientation is just that, yours.  If your family can't or won't accept that then they lose.  Jahs, most folks working in the field of trying to figure out why some like the same sex pretty much agree, it's not their fault !
The fault lies in the DNA and in the genes.  If you are truly a Lesbian, then don't worry what others think ! 
Think about this, Cutting is NOT a good good thing !  It not only leaves scars in your mind, it also leaves scars on your body, for ever !
There are other things you can do before you start cutting.  Try this, go for a brisk walk for a mile before you begin cutting.  Seek out a Doctor who treats these cases.
You don't want to meet the right girl for you with scars, do you ?
I am not a gay person, yet I also have no problems with anyone who is.  It is what you want from life, and sweetie, that's up to you, and no one should judge you for it....however, they will.  Live your life the way YOU want to, not what others expect.
Gods Speed, Jahs.  I'll be here if you need me...kenreedsr@yahoo.com.

Adam In Lost Angeles · Answer

Life gets MUCH better the older one gets-belieeeeve me.

Tell your parents and your school nurse.  Get taken care of.  Call your county mental health care agency.  Find a minister or other member of the clergy, a school counselor, etc.

You need help & you're a liiiiittle bit 'sideways' at the moment.  You are old enough to ask for help.  Do so please.

Anonymous · Answer

How about you contacting some one who helped me in the past he helped me with  casting of anxiety spell when I needed it most, he can be of help you can reach him on eledasanumi@gmail.com I'm sure he can be of help

Anonymous · Answer

Please do not hurt yourself.. I have been where you have been and trust me I would have regretted making that decision. Please e-mail at leahmonrichard@yahoo.com. Sometimes having someone to talk to really helps. I really hope to hear from you.

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I want to end my life?

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