Married JWs and their love life?

What often happens is that a husband and wife might both, in the heat of passion, return to their true personality and willingly engage in some practice not approved by Watchtower, then later when the cult personality takes over, one of them might feel guilty about it and go and confess to the elders - without even first speaking to their spouse about it! LOL.

Imagine a loving husband decides to treat his wife by performing some nice oral sex on her which she thoroughly enjoys and he feels so happy that he has pleased his wife so well. Then a week or two later he's at the meeting and the elders approach him saying they would like to speak privately with him and his wife after the meeting. Guess what they want to talk to him about? LOL.

So a JW couple might be very weary of engaging in anything that is not Watchtower approved for fear that either one might later get a pang of cult-induced guilt and go and confess to the elders. Yes, even in the bedroom, Watchtower inserts its controlling, micro-managing tentacles of manipulation (oooh that last phrase sounds so dirty but no pun was intended. LOL).

Hi Mark.

Yes, there have been spouses who have went to elders over what they would consider "unclean" or "sodomizing" behaviors. However, it is NOT THE ELDERS who dictate what does or does not happen in the marriage bed. Jehovah does set boundaries though.

Example: A husband wishes his wife to have sex during her menstrual cycle. While Jesus fulfilled the Mosaic Law and we are not under it any more, it does give us clear indication of what Jehovah finds acceptable and not. - Leviticus 20:!8

Would we want to push Jehovah away simply because we can't control our lusts? What a shame!!! Pushing our best friend aside because we can't control ourselves for a few days, or at least do something differently to have the same outcome.

In extreme cases where one partner wants to bring others into their marriage has been a case of disfellowshipping. Why? Because this person has clearly decided that their own selfish desires come before Jehovah's standards. If they weren't disfellowshipped, just think of all the people in the congregation he/she would have bad thoughts about, possibly even invoking his/her unbridled lusts on that brother/sister. They have to be removed to keep the congregation clean and safe. In some instances where this was kept secret, there have been bad consequences, sometimes to one or more marriages and the entire congregation suffers.

But, the elders do not DICTATE what is right and what is wrong. They simply go by what the scriptures have to say.

It is true. An ex JW told me that an elder had told herself and her husband they were only do to missionary in the bedroom. What right do they have to dictate what happens in their personal sexlife?? As Steph says..control.

It's not a joke. I remember this and it being talked about when I was a kid. They did and may still dictate it. They have no right to because it is NOT their business. For them to even begin making rules about what married couples can and cannot do in their bedrooms is so beyond ridiculous, it's not funny. Religions do NOT get to dictate these private matters. What made them think they could in the first place is beyond me. It is extremely disturbing. It isn't something that needs to be brought to these unqualified elders. It is between a husband and a wife to work it out. And maybe a counselor. I only have one word for it. Control.

We do not ask what others are doing in the bedroom. But if someone is bothered by the demands of their partners for acts that they find defiling and that harms their conscience, the partner should seek help for spiritual guidance and aid.

The scriptures does say that the marriage bed should be without defilement. If one partner is developing perverted lusts and allowing uncontrolled desires to come into the bedroom, they are in spiritual danger of putting sex up as a "god" to be worshiped above the worship of Jehovah God.

As Paul warns about the works of the flesh, there are dangers of allowing uncontrolled passions to overcome our spirituality.

(Galatians 5:19-21) 19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality, uncleanness, brazen conduct, 20 idolatry, spiritism, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

As you can see, there are many aspects of modern life that is considered "normal" that would result in losing the blessings of Jehovah God.

I'm not asking what they do. Read the question again. I'm asking if their leaders get to dictate (no pun intended) it.