Taking out a personal add as a non Jewish man seeking a Jewish woman?

I have gotten tired of having to think for myself and make my own decisions over the past 23 year. I'm looking to change that.

The add would read as follows:

Non Jewish male seeking loud, bossy, and opinionated Jewish female. Expects said woman to tell others (especially me) what to do, when to do it, and what to think about when doing it. Cooking and housework not required.

Additional requirements: bossy mother that frequently calls and expects us to come and spend every Saturday doing borderline abusive tasks around her house. (Grandmothers and aunts may substitute on a case by case basis)

Preferred if she has another close female friend that does not care for my company and frequently talks of how lacking of a romantic partner I am, both financially and socially. Must also be a loud bossy jewish female.

Any opinions? Would this work?