3 months sudden death of father, having mixed feelings?

wow that must be tough on you. Not to long ago I suddenly lost a loved one in death too. I was in total shock and still am. It's ok to grieve, we grieve in stages so never feel bad about having good days where your able to step away from the pain and have good days and smile. I'm sure he would want that. One thing that has helped me to have better days is relying on God and his promises in the Bible. God looks at death as an enemy 1Corinthians 15:26 "And the last enemy, death, is to be brought to nothing. " notice the ending of the scripture says that it's to be brought to nothing. Also another promise that I look forward to is Revelation 23:4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” God promises to take our pain away and to end death. Acts 24:15 promises a resurrection in where he will bring to life those who have fallen to sleep in death.

There's nothing wrong with grieving the loss of a loved one; you're not being a "crappy" daughter. It'll get better with time, but the longing isn't likely to ever go away.

Something else that can facilitate the release of grief is crying. There is “a time to weep,” says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) Surely the death of someone we love brings on such a time. However, you should you not feel ashamed of your tears. As we have seen, the Bible is filled with examples of men and women of faith—including Jesus Christ—who openly shed tears of grief without any apparent embarrassment.— John 11:33, 35. You may find that for a time your emotions will be somewhat unpredictable. The Bible assures us: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) Yes, more than anything else, a relationship with God can help you to cope with the death of someone you love. In addition, do not underestimate the value of prayer. The Bible urges us: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) If talking out your feelings with a sympathetic friend can help, how much more will pouring out your heart to “the God of all comfort” help you!—2 Corinthians 1:3. It is not that prayer simply makes us feel better. The “Hearer of prayer” promises to give holy spirit to his servants who sincerely ask for it. (Psalm 65:2)

Do whatever you fell is necessary to get through. I had a friend die in my arms, years later I still have problems with it. Much fewer problems than the first day where I tried to get drunk, but I had too much adrenaline running and I couldn't. Do what you need.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father when I was 16 and felt like you do. Your dad would of wanted you to carry on with your life and enjoy it.

Keep living and doing your best, recovery from the death of a parent takes time.

Grief is a powerful emotion. Give yourself time to heal. Treat yourself the way you would treat your own child. Be gentle and compassionate.

Your Dad would want you to get over your grief and move on with your life. Do that.

Everybody grieves differently. Give it time.

After death, 3 days you here, then you're shown hell and heaven from 3rd until 9th day after death, then from 9th until 40th day demons accuse you of sins; that was before, now people just straight out go to temporary hell because of Social Security; but 666ed people go to permanent hell right away; 666 is given when people stretch hands to accept the evil plastic card. Before Jesus preached in hell, all people (except Enoch and Elijah) went to hell. Now, aborted kids go to hell for 33 and a half years. After crucifiction, Jesus preached in hell. Those who believed, got out of hell. Suicide leads to hell. Maximum torture is at the bottom (ice hell) for biggest sinners. Stalin is head in boiling water. When he tries to get out, demons push him back in. Others stand up to knees or up to chest in boiling water. There are different punishments in hell. If you didn't do anything bad, you're in a dark room. Also, hell is not permanent now. So, it's possible to get out, especially if you're prayed for and your relatives give to charity in the name of Archangel Michael. 666ed people go to permanent hell. According to Russian Orthodoxy, 666 is given by lasers (isotope rays) on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small grey plastic card (world passport). Reject 666. Don't go into a UFO to be healed by demons. Those who reject 666 will go to heaven. Also, their direct ancestors will be saved from hell. Police will chip and isotope ray people on highways. Food stores will isotope ray people too. Antichrist will also release prisoners to mark people. Reject 666 at all cost. If you're about to be marked, scream: "Lord, have mercy!" three times. Go hide with Orthodox Christians to escape 666. God gives you a name during baptism. Devil gives you an anti-name during anti-baptism.Barcode is Druid black magic curse and a form of mark of the beast just like Social Security.People who took any number (which is an anti-name given during anti-baptism by the beast) on documents or in computer go to temporary hell; but those who receive green 666 (given with world passport with no name on it) on forehead or wrist go to permanent hell. How not to go to hell? Give back all these anti-name anti-baptism documents back to the beast by writing to appropriate authorities. If authorities refuse to cancel these anti-names, then write again (up to three times). If you wrote to the gov't three times about it, but gov't refused, then God will not send you to hell. Don't take the microchip. If you already took it, get rid of it because microchipped people will be influenced by computers to take the world passport (grey plastic card with no name on it).

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http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/guidech3.pdf