I'm having my wedding soon, but my fiancé keeps forgetting to send out the save the dates. Is that a bad sign?

Unless you've got a ton of guests coming in from out of town, save the dates are generally unnecessary. They're not invitations, they're just early written reminders of when your wedding will be. If most of your guests are local, they can probably plan just fine in the 6-8 weeks prior to your wedding when you send out invitations.

As for your fiancé issues, whether it's a bad sign or not is up to you. Being flaky is part of who he is. He's not going to magically change personalities when he becomes your husband; what you see is what you get. He's going to flake out on other things that are important to you in the next few decades and you're going to have to take it in stride. Talk to him about it. Communicate your expectations and let him know you're disappointed. If he's the right person, he'll try to do better because this matters to you. He's never going to be perfect (you arent either, by the way), but he should be able to do that much.

So there are a couple issues to address here:

1. Is this a red flag. Yes, it is. You two should get some pre-marital counseling and some financial counseling as well. You need to figure out if he is 1) irresponsible (meaning he'll ruin your credit when he forgets to pay a bill) or 2) inconsiderate (meaning he is failing to keep a commitment to mail the cards) or 3) He has cold feed and is a chicken and won't tell you.

You are about to legal connect yourself to this man for the rest of your life. Make sure both of you are mature enough to deal with the day-to-day adult aspects of life. Love is not enough.

Now to the question of the cards. Many of us from a different era would tell you this are a silly, pretentious waste of money. The only people that need to be forewarned about our wedding are people who live very far away or have commitments (such as the military) that require a lot of advanced planning in order to take a leave or vacation.

Otherwise sending standard invitations 6-8 weeks prior to the event is more than adequate.

You used to think his being "spacey" (which means irresponsible and undependable) was cute, eh? And now that you need him to do something "important" and hard (lol) like send some mail, you don't think it's so cute anymore. If he won't help out now with the simple and easy things, well honey, enjoy the next 50 years doing everything yourself or becoming a giant NAG.

My LORD women make the STRANGEST choices. "I love him and I would never leave him" even though he's unreliable, undependable, immature, selfish and more like a child than a partner. "But he's still perfect."

Nag, nag, nag. He's going to turn you into someone you resent and he hates. Yeah you think it's not so bad when he's 23 but it's not so cute when he's a lazy irresponsible 43 year old father of three.

I think you ought to hold off on those invitations/save-the-dates until you can think about this a bit more.

Well, first off, he is not perfect. So stop calling him that.

Second, Save the Dates are not necessary for a wedding. You just need to send out invitations 8-10 weeks ahead of the wedding day. If any people out of the country need to make advance plans, then pick up the phone and call them and tell them what date/location you have booked.

Third, if the wedding is getting "very close," then Save the Dates are stupid. They should be sent out about 8-12 months prior to the wedding. If you're less than 6-8 months out, forget about the Save the Dates and just send out your invites when the time comes.

Finally ... if his laziness and spaciness bothers you now, then things are only going to get worse after you're married. And, yeah, it's a bad sign if he can't drag his lazy butt to a mailbox and drop in a handful of envelopes. You need to talk with him about this.

save the date cards are only to alert people who are either extremely busy or out of town about your wedding so they can make tentative plans to attend. tons of weddings never even use them.

but the issues with your fiance are major. weddings are a mature and grown up thing for a couple to engage in, so if he is having trouble fulfilling a small simple task in your mature grown up lives, you might want to rethink getting married at this time. these kinds of things normally get worse, not better, until after the guy matures. guys don't hit maturity until they are around late 20's or early 30's normally and many not until nearly 40....so be prepared if he is young for these lapses of maturity.

How close is close? If you're wedding is less than 6 months away, you should not be sending out save the dates. Wait for the invitations.

ehem: /question/index?qid=20141...

I swear people troll with the weirdest things.