Ironica

I'm fresh out of ideas

I could never love another human being as much as I love my oyster crackers. Please explain why. I need help.

Set the scene: I was blonde. I talked to person. I dye my hair brown. I ask him if he likes me better blonde or brunette. He says- in total seriousness- that he's never seen me blonde. We've been going to school together since 5th grade, are now high school sophomores, and I've always been blonde up until recently. We've pretty much talked every day this semester except he has a thing where he like, doesn't actually look at someone while he's talking to them idk man

That bothers me

Details: I am in school and very thirsty (physically not metaphorically). I already asked my teacher once but she didn't answer me and now I'm scared to try again. Should I go get some? Should I ask her again first?

I am very sweet. Do you think it's just because I'm ugly?

Out of these two people, who's cooler?

Person 1- He is smarter and good with computers. He's pretty funny and brings me kit-kats sometimes.

Person 2- He is more attractive and social. He's pretty funny as well but he always takes our food.

Booty is so great but I took a survey and a lot of girls say they don't?

I hope it was great yo

Someone that I don't really talk to (because I literally talk to 0 guys ever).

Like an app or something this would be very helpful

I don't like most boys but there is one guy that I am super into and I was wondering if all boys have cooties or just the mean ones?

I'm so excited to get married to the best guy ever and eventually have children that are super cute so I want to think about baby names now just for the heck of it. What do you suggest?

Lately, our friend (let's call her Sara) has been very rude and lazy and not coming to school. She hasn't come to more than 3 days per week since school started and it's about halfway through. So, yesterday, our teacher asked us if we wanted to come up with the partners for a project for a reward for something we did, but she wasn't there in our group. So as revenge, we asked the teacher to put her with this guy she hates and made it seem like she liked him. Is this really wrong or did she get what's coming to her?

Everyone says it's not but I feel like I know some perfect people. For example, I honest to god do not think Beyoncé has any flaws. Also someone I know in real life.

I really like a lot of people. If I dated one of them, would I have to stop liking the others? Like, I think that would be a deal breaker. I would still find myself attracted to other people and want to date them, I just wouldn't because I'd be in a relationship. Is that, like, normal? Is that okay?

What if this is a bad signal for the rest of our relationship? I mean, I love him and I would never leave him but I'm very worried what if nobody gets the save the dates in time and they don't come? The wedding is getting close. Do you think this could be a bad signal? I always thought it was cute how spacey he is but now I am very annoyed I gave him one task yanno? It's not like he did anything else to help with the wedding. But ugh, he's still perfect. I don't know, helppppp