Do I owe my parents?

Question

I'm almost 18, but I feel like I owe my parents something. They have done the good parental things such as providing education, plenty of food, and clothes (so long as they are up to their standards of modesty). They even bought me a dog that I love to pieces. I am number 6 of 7 kids, and all but my twin sister and i have moved out. Most days at least one of my parents will say something asking the lines of "I work my a** off for you kids" or "I hate organizing coupons, but it's not like we're made of money." A regular thing is for them to comment (in varying decibels) how the house is a "s**t hole". I feel like everything is my fault, from the money problems to the border line hoarder style house. I'm paying for my college, which I am going to at their insistence, though I'd rather move out and support myself for a bit before jumping straight into more rules and time restraints. I'd love to just live a while and sport myself, and raise a puppy for a reputable service dog organization that I think is great. I already have two steady jobs and they are both begging for more of my time. I could without question support me, my current dog, and a new puppy. Anyway, sorry for this tedious question, but do I really owe my parents my unending, unquestioning, unwavering obedience? Should I feel as guilty as I do when what I want isn't what they want? They are both stressed out and are not hesitant to say so, and it makes me feel like crap.

Jane · Accepted Answer

Perhaps they are looking forward, after many years of parenting, to having some time to themselves- and maybe you and your twin being the last remaining kids at home, you're getting more pressure.

It also sounds like your parents may have some issues of their own  ( ' border line hoarder style house' ?). Whatever- if your parents have issues, these belong to them and you cannot live the rest of your life dealing with their problems.

I like that you have your plans in place, and I am sure you will be able to support yourself soon, with your jobs and a place of your own.Maybe consider how you could have your part time jobs alongside a part time or on-line college course, so you can earn and learn at the same time, and go forward with your ambitions for yourself.

Time to do some research into where you could rent on your income, so you know exactly what you need to have coming in to pay the rent and bills.

Seems like it's time to make a move!

Coach Simon · Answer

Your parents made the decision to bring you into the world, and they did this knowing what it involved if you have older siblings. You owe them nothing - they owe you everything. Maybe when they are old you will be able to "pay back" anything you feel you need to or can.

I am not suggesting that you behave badly or lazily: we all need to put a lot into life if we are to become responsible adults. Nor am I suggesting that you need not be grateful to them, and respect the fact that they have experiences you do not (yet).

All that said, how on earth do you look after a dog and a puppy if you go to college and have two jobs? Who takes responsibility for the puppy in particular when you are out?

Serene E · Answer

Unending, unquestioning, unwavering obedience?  OF COURSE NOT, that's ridiculous!!!   
You're an adult, you have to balance their wisdom and advice and thinking what is best for you, with what your hopes and dreams are.

Pearl L · Answer

in a way, you could try to help them out as much as you can, and when theyre older and cant take care of themselves then it will be payback time

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Do I owe my parents?

4 Answers