My mom and maid of honor cannot be in the same room!?

I agree 100% with the others. You have simply got to learn to deal with your mother.

This is your wedding and your mother is making it about her. If you allow her to continue doing this, you are going to end up stressed and your friend will be sad. Also, your friend may end up feeling resentful that your mother is being allowed to control you and this may lead to your friend becoming distanced from you. The same thing could happen with other friends and family members in the future... For example, what happens if your mother takes a dislike to your husband? If you don't stand up to her, people will be driven away from you.

You need to tell your mother briefly (so the message gets through) and clearly:

"You have told me that you can't promise to treat everyone with respect and to behave like a mature adult at my wedding. This is making me very stressed. It is also making my wedding day about you. I would love to have you at my wedding, but I can't have you ruin it. Until you can promise to behave like a mature adult who wants her daughter to have a great wedding day, I will need to cancel your invitation. I hope you will change your attitude, but if you refuse to, then that is your decision, 100% on you."

I would write this in a message. If you say it to her, the message may not get through. She can go back and re-read a written message.

Of course she will probably try to bully and shame you into changing your mind. Don't let her. Don't explain yourself further--the more you say, the more she'll have to argue with. Don't apologize. Simply say, "I've said my piece. Please re-read the message because I want you to be very clear on what I'm saying."

If she ends up heart-broken, then that will be very sad. But it will be her decision. The choice you have to make here is very clear: you can choose to allow your mother to ruin your wedding day for you, your friend, your fiance, and the other guests and to continue controlling you. Or you can choose not to allow one person to ruin things for everyone else. Also, if you can draw this boundary, it will pay off for the future. Your life will be very stressful and your relationship could be damaged if you don't learn to draw boundaries with her.

How old are you/ your mother?

Look your mother is manipulating you and she is being immature. Sure the wedding is "usually" important to the parents, but it is ultimately about you and the groom that day. You should have the friend you want as your MOH, she has already told you that she will be civil on your wedding day. It seems to me your mother is the biggest issue and is trying to ruin your day before it even starts because she isn't getting her way. Talk to your father and siblings and tell them what your mother said and they can run buffer and or tell your mother it might be best if she didn't come if that's how she feels, but don't worry she will come, again she is manipulating you. Besides you said you were even that close with her.

Have your friend in the wedding because if you don't you will regret it. Odds are your mother won't start any drama at the actual ceremony and if she starts it at the reception, arrange ahead of time with either your father or someone else to take her out of there and send her home.

Tell your mother that you are now considering eloping and see what she says. If she asks why, tell her something like "well because of you I can't have the wedding I want because you are threating drama with my friend on my wedding day, not your wedding day, mine and ?, I don't want to be embarrassed by you so we might just elope" let her think that for a while and see if she comes around.

I would like to know a lot more.

Tell your Mom that you eould love her to come but that she will have to be civil and not talk to your maid of honor.

If divorced parents that hate each other can make just pretend they don't know each other for a few hours - why can't they? Get a few trusted people to act as police who will conveniently come in between the two of them and keep them from interacting. Maybe you have a sister or an aunt that can keep her occupied all day?

Have your Mom enter the front of the church. You and the bridesmaids come in through the back. Keep them far away after the ceremony. Seat them far apart at the reception.

That must be terrible, a bride shouldn't be going through all this. Your mother seems childish and immature about this. It's her own daughter's wedding and she refuses to be in the same room as the maid of honor! Your mother should understand that it is her daughter's wedding. Talk to her first and talk to her about missing your wedding. Would a mother really do that? Tell her about how you feel. Friends will come and go but family is forever. Don't throw either of them in the sack and bring one with you. Your friend is understanding. In this case, you can have two at the wedding. Your mother can choose to leave or behave, it's her fault if she causes any trouble. Your family with always stay with you but your friends won't. Reason it out with your mother and talk to your friend about how your mother feels. The choice is completely up to you. Friends who never last, or family that will always stay. It may be hard, but both can attend, which makes it slightly easier. I wish you luck!

Personally it sounds like your mom is the more irate one and needs to go. Your friend showed sympathy and understanding which is way more valuable to me than a mother who has the attitude of a child. Not starting drama is the easiest thing. She said herself that she has no self control. If she would start stuff with your maid of honor there's no telling who she might get into it with next.

How sad that your mother is so selfish and not to mention, immature and childish.

My motto always is "Family First". Friends come and go, but family is forever.

I am not saying to give your friend the boot or to tell your mother to go pound sand, either.

You must be so frustrated that these two important people in your life just cannot get it together for just one day, for your sake. Your mother who is flat out refusing to participate in your wedding if your friend attends is so ridiculous.

I would be tempted to lead your mother to believe that you friend will not be there. But, at the last second, have that maid of honor stand up for you. If your mother causes drama, that is on her. You can ask your mother to leave or behave. She does have a choice.

Your mother is selfish and controlling. Your friend is understanding and sensitive about this issue. In the end, you have to do what you can live with.

When I was married, I asked a friend I knew for decades to be my maid of honor and I asked my sister to be a brides maid. After all was said and done, my sister came to me in tears with hurt and the pain of rejection. I was clueless until then. I felt horrible and ashamed. Fast forward....my friend and I lost touch. My sister and I are closer than ever. I made a mistake and since then I took on the "Family First" attitude.

However, in your case, you are not choosing your mother or your friend over the other. You CAN have both, it is just your mother will not hear of it. Ask your mother how she would feel to miss your wedding. Maybe that reality will straighten out her selfish behind. This is so crazy as your mother and your friend do not even have to have contact with one another as a wedding is FULL of people who can dilute them from having contact with one another. Only you know your mother and how much you value her as a person and what this could mean for your future family ties. So, the choice of what to do is yours.

You need to stand up to your mother and tell to behave herself or she will not be invited to the wedding! Stand your ground and don't back down.

you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to deal effectively with people, no matter who they are, who would try to manipulate and control you.

Invite them both. Either one is free to come or not. make a happy day with people who care about you and who want to make it a happy day in your life.

She sounds like my mother. She needs to realise that your wedding day is about you, not her.