Boyfriend wants to get married, but not buy engagement rings?

Question

He completely ignores me if I even mention rings. We've both got promise rings from five years ago, but they're pretty well worn. Plus, he knows how much I dislike this one. The one I wear, that he gave me was originally his mother's promise ring. She gave it to him to give to me, but she's asked for it back dozens of times. I've given it back each time, only for her to change her mind and 'let me keep it'. That alone bothers me. Aside from that, it's very sharp, and pricks my finger.

It's not about 'symbolism and tradition' so much as just wanting a new ring that would be mine. I've even expressed how I'd like to buy him a new ring for the occasion as well, and would love if he'd pick it out.

It is financially possible for him to buy a new ring. I haven't asked for an expensive one. The one I'd choose is on the cheap side. I've also expressed to him that I don't want an expensive one. 
He isn't a cheap person either. He frequently makes large purchases for himself. Every payday he spends a fair chunk of it on himself. This doesn't bother me, as it's his money to do with as he pleases, but it is relevant since finances are a valid reason someone might not want to make an unnecessary luxury purchase.

What should I do/say to help convince him of why I want this.

Rosalie · Answer

Give his mother her ring back. She obviously is nervous that it might not be returned, and it means something to her.  At this point, it is beginning to symbolize a lousy relationship you have accepted with her son, and it has strayed to a place it shouldn't be.

Reconsider spending any time with this guy. You are settling and hanging on, and waiting for him to do something he should have to be held back from doing if it were right.  Take your life off hold, dump him, and go find the guy you were meant to be with- this relationship long ago went stale, and making it go on any more is asking for purgatory. Why would you want purgatory when you could have heaven?

He's ordinary, he's lazy, and he doesn't care how desperate he makes you. That's abuse, and you have the choice not to accept that treatment. Even his mother is trying to tell you that.

Anonymous · Answer

Why an engagement ring?  Why not get married?  Wedding rings don't cost as much as engagement rings, and the ring would be yours.

planner · Answer

you can get married without any rings. why does he not want to buy you a ring? that is the one thing you didn't tell us...what he says his reasons are.

have you ever thought that maybe he is ignoring your ring conversations because he wants to surprise you?

did he actually say he wants to marry you but not give you a ring?

Liz · Answer

Do you honestly think this is about rings?  This guy doesn't want to marry you.  Think of the saying:  Actions speak louder than words.  What are his words saying, and what are his actions saying?

digimutt · Answer

He completely ignores you and your thoughts and feelings.  This is a huge red flag and you need to think long and hard before you marry such a man.  What you see here with this issue is only the very tip of a deep running iceberg

Cat Lover · Answer

If he won't give you an inexpensive ring that would mean so much to you, he isn't going to give you anything else that you might want either.  Why would you want to marry a guy who thinks so little of you?   I would tell him good bye.

Sienna · Answer

Firstly, give your existing ring back to his mother.

Secondly, tell him you'll consider his offer of marriage if he gives you an engagement ring that you choose. Tell him you're judging the acceptability of his offer on his behaviour in showing consideration for your feelings.

Russell · Answer

d

Trending News

Boyfriend wants to get married, but not buy engagement rings?

8 Answers