Who has gone through a separation in a marriage and what was the outcome?

I went thru that and decided to think of my happiness and that it was time to let go so I left and have been separated over a year and in process of divorce. It's hard because ur used to that person and sometimes you confuse what's best for u with what other people may want you to do. You feel bad to leave him but ur not happy so you need to decide what you want for yourself and put everyone else's feelings aside and only focus on yours and what will make you happy.

I am much relieved and happier with myself by the way . Best choice

Well, I think is about 90% of separations do not end with the couple remaining together. If you separate, most likely that will be it. Over, Done, Kaput. Also, you two have been married from some time for her to finally decide you have too many problems. Unless you are an alcoholic or abusive to her, why isn't she standing by you and supporting you through the issues you have. Sounds pretty selfish to me. Marriages don't end solely at the fault of one person. Both people failed at some part of the relationship. If she has known you have these "problems", she should be supportive of you. But, most separations end in divorce, not reconciliation.

You can still figure out what you want in life while staying married, without the separation.

While that sounds contradictory, it isn't. Your husband doesn't need to be the basis for your life goals and dreams. If he's supportive of you, consider that to be positive, even if it feels on the surface like you don't have a lot in common.

If he has no idea how you're feeling, there's a communication problem. Share your feelings. Make sure, though, do share them without being critical, and devote equal attention to listening and understanding his side of things.

Ironically, not sharing the deeper communication that would make him aware of your feelings might be the very thing preventing you from having stronger feelings for him. Before bolting, you'd be wise to reflect not just on what you're missing, but the positive qualities he has and the positive things you could develop between you if both of you were willing to give a solid effort. Good luck.

Okay Tictic. I've gone through the separation and yes my marriage did end in a divorce. Like you prior to our separation we never communicated with each other. And since she was a different nationality than I she communicated more with her daughter than with me. And when she was home she'd be on her cell phone. What kind of life is that? In the end we are both glad of the divorce and are free to start again.

Your first poster said weigh the good qualities of your husband first. If the reasons for you staying outweigh your reason for leaving. Then stay with him. And I do mean financial, health insurance, food, housing, etc. Living single in today's economy is a struggle. So choose carefully and wisely.

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Maybe you've outgrown him. It may be a good idea to live apart for a while and see what happens to your feelings. You never know what you will feel in the future. You might realize he's the only one you love or you might be reassured that your done with him. It's important to take as much time as you can to think and then come to a conclusion. I've had my ups and downs and there had been doubts at times but after all these years our bond has become tighter and deeper and I am sure as anything that he's my only soulmate and no one else compares to him.

When my ex and I split, it wasn't to figure out what either of us wanted. It was to satisfy the legal requirement of living separate-and-apart for 6 months before the divorce could be filed. I've never felt I needed to live away from someone to figure out if I wanted to be with them. Either I do want to be with them, and we'd work on fixing any problems, or I don't want to be with them, and one of us would take the necessary steps to end the relationship.

Separating is almost always the precursor to ending the relationship. If you're that unhappy, living on your own isn't going to improve your feelings about the marriage you've been unhappy in "for some time now". Unless you intend to separate so you can go through marital counseling together while living apart and giving thought to what you've learned in counseling, you might as well go ahead and contact a divorce attorney and find out what your rights are and what steps you need to take to end the marriage.

The feelings that you described and the situation that you described make me think that you don't want to be in the marriage. if you want the marriage to work, get counseling. If you don't want to be in the marriage, start working on your getting out of it.

If you don't want the marriage to work or are unsure if you want it to work, do NOT have children, it will extend your time as a spouse to somebody that you probably don't love. Get out before you have children or you will have that guy in your life for the rest of your life. Once you have kids you will be tied together in some capacity, even if you're separated.

About you not wanting to have sex with him. Is it HIM that you don't like or is it SEX in general? That is an important question. If it's him, then go find somebody else. If it's sex in general that you don't like, that's not a problem - don't have sex. But don't ruin another person's life by hooking up with them and then not wanting to have sex with them. If you don't like sex stay single or find somebody who feels that same way that you do.

My husband and I lived 'separated under one roof' for the whole of our separation period prior to filing for divorce, because he couldn't afford either to contribute to the mortgage or to get out and pay rent. It was hard, but it just reinforced two things: one, we didn't want to be married any more. And two, ex-spouses CAN remain good friends. We treated each other as flat mates. I even helped him spot when the women contacting him on dating sites weren't women at all but scammers trying to take his non existent money. We spent over seven years trying to work out our problems, but I just couldn't stand to live life that way any more.

When we finally sold our house and went our separate ways, it was hard and somewhat lonely, but we both know the right decision was made.

I have been through a separation, but I was on the other end of things as I didn't want that to happen. the separation didn't help us at all, because she was lying from the start. I think if you can be honest to yourself and your partner and it's really about being alone and trying to figure out things and not just going to go sleep around then it might help. My separation was a joke because my wife just wanted to go sleep around. My wife cheated on me before we went on our anniversary trip, like 2 weeks before which I didn't know at the time...then when we came back she wanted to be separated...well I find out she has been seeing someone and sleeping with them behind my back. Well about 3 moths later she wants me back and I agree to come back because I loved her with all my heart, she was my world and I wanted my life back and my wife! Well we went to counselling and started to treat each other better and just talk to each other better she wasn't sticking to it and start to party again and even go to the job location of the guy that she cheated on me with again to drink with her friends..yep some lame waiter guy from a bar/restaurant. Well after about 1 year maybe we separated again and ended up getting a divorce about 5 months later, which is sad because I wanted my marriage but hey you can't force people to stay around.

I think you guys need to talk, go to counseling and figure out what you each want.

After 20 years of marriage he walked out, we divorced I ended up homeless, Good Luck