I am so depressed and sad I can't stand the thought of another day?

You have a long list of woes, but whatever they are, for any person, when they overwhelm you, it's time to get help. Your tiredness and feeling of doom and darkness is a classic case of clinical depression. You've had a series of things happen that has beaten you down, bit by bit, until you can't cope mentally any more. Copers, who don't like to reveal how bad they are feeling and put on a 'face' to fool the world, generally hate having to open up and talk about this to anyone, and that's why you've chosen to ask a question on YA, instead of doing what you should be doing. And that's going fairly quickly to see your health professional and explain how bleak you are feeling. If you don't want to discuss chapter and verse what's been going on, just explain your current symptoms and your doctor will be able to deduce that you are deeply depressed. The treatment's liable to be medication and/or counseling and therapy. Don't fear any of them. Medication can help quite quickly but if it doesn't help enough, talking to someone about where you are in life, certainly will bring you some relief.

We ALL get into situations and relationships we wished we wouldn't have, but the best way to escape the negativity you feel is to decide to move forward. Starting with your job. If you are working with people who put you down, it doesn't sound like the best place to work. Make the decision to leave. Start looking for another employer then once you find a new job, give notice. The business deal can't be changed but what have you learned from it? You have to be VERY careful who you share your money with (if at all), which also means who you decide to go into business with. Trust your instincts if it sounds too good to be true. Same with men; you had a relationship with this guy for ten years, but you must have seen some signs of emotional abuse, before he got violent. You can't change your family so avoid them if you must. Try to do something you enjoy when you're not at work, get out there and get some exercise and fresh air. The changes won't happen unless you decide they will.

I'm truly sorry about the reconstructive surgery part - that really does sound bad. You didn't deserve that.

This is, however, where my sympathy ends. For starters, was there no indication at all throughout these 10 years that he is violent and likely to snap at you one day? The odds are there were, but you decided to ignore them and carry on anyway. I might be wrong, answer that one yourself.

As for having a five thousand to lose gambling in one week, I'd say you're really well off. Most money I ever lost was nowhere near that much, and it was indeed almost my entire paycheck.

The vague stupid business idea could indeed be your fault, or it could not. This is the nature of business in a competitive market - it might or might not work.

I'm sorry about your sister, too.

As for your materialistic family, well. Blame capitalism for that, it's what it turns people into. Your job sucks for the same reason. Of course, Im sorry.

But honestly, instead of blowing your money on gambling, do something constuctive. Research your options. You could have INVESTED that five grand into something that could generate some profit - but you chose a fast and easy way - a bogus way, which you knew all along, but were too lazy to put in a little effort into something you could benefit from.

We are all subject to the same rules - we have to be smart and work towards achieving our goals, or else it all goes to ****.

Reflect on those experiences. Recognize your laziness and lack of intelligent, careful planning. I know you are tired, disappointed, and sick of all the same old **** in the same fad - we all are, or have been. The key is persistance and resilience - people will always push their agenda on you, the key is not giving up on your own, because there is only one person who truly always cares about your own well-being, and that is yourself. So look after yourself. Make a plan. Execute it. Learn consequence. Maybe you're just as afraid of committment as your muslim ex-bf. Write down the plan provisions, maybe, with a timeframe on each item, and get accomplishing them.

Or let others do the job for you, and watch your life get worse by the day.

I was actually going through a depression thing myself recently. Listen to me you are an amazing person, I may not know you but I can tell and I truly mean it. It sounds like you've been through it all and you've been a true soldier the whole way. But things are rough I get it, but it can't be this way forever something will change. Think of your future think of the day you'll be 80 next to your husband remembering these days missing them even if they were bad. Studies also show survivors who has tried to commit suicide wish that once they took the last step they didn't want to do it anymore. Think of how sad everyone will be. People need you in your life. They need someone who will smile and laugh with you. To become happy you just have to want to be happy. Join a new organization make a friend, have a spa day, or talk to a counselor that always works.

this is more of a rant then a plea for help. indicating you need someone to talk to. voice your feelings to someone even if they don't care at least they can understand your situation, maybe talking through it could lead to sudden realizations about your life. life is a roller coaster you go up and down and can't control it . nothing will change the past, but your future sure as hell can change. make the change happen.

The true meaning of human life is.... Self Realization....

Love /hate, Good/evil, happiness/sorrow, positive/ negative, virtue/sin, soul/ body, heaven /hell.. are the creations of God.... So, by pure faith in God we can understand our eternal nature... which relates to our soul as our soul is the Part and Parcel of.... Supreme Soul...."God"

Actually, we are spiritual souls but we are in human body. We are from the spiritual world. God has sent us on the earth...only for self realization.. as our souls are not as pure as, they have to be... So, God has given us human life where our body feels happiness as well as suffers pain. Therefore, we souls are here... to achieve... the level of purity and to become pure soul.... we should make an effort to understand the deeper meaning of unconditional love for all living beings.... in every situation... :)

Moreover, the eternal nature of our soul is to Love God...

Please read Bhagavad Gita deeply..... for every answer about the Human life and the Eternal Life...

http://vedabase.com/en/bg

sounds like classical depression, please get the help of a trained therapist.