Poem opinions?

Question

Its meant to be a valentines day gift, but i dont know if its the right kind of poem. The girl it is for has been in relationships before, and feels like she cant trust that i feel the way i do. shes heard the things ive said to her, and i want to show her, im not just saying these things. the poems called realize me

You’ve been here before 
but not I 
I do this for you, 
realize me

You’ve heard it before 
but from my mouth not. 
These words are from my heart 
realize me

You’ve felt this before 
but your touch. 
Methodical it is, 
leaves me breathless 
realize me

My thoughts aren’t straight 
Yet they are true 
realize me 
i realize you

is it too crude?

I also wrote this.  its called There's Beauty in Your Ways

gentle in the way of your mind
noble in what it wants
a palace of integrity
a home for me to stay

brusque in your way with words
with quick remarks i’ll play

graceful in the way you move
lithe with your touch
a bed of warmth
with heat i’ll lay

alluring in your entirety
you’ve coaxed me to say
Alexandria
will you be my valentine?

I like this one alot, but what do you think?  which should i use? should i give her both?

5 ft 7 Texas Heaven · Accepted Answer

Both are ok, both can use some minor editing. Trust is not built on a foundation of words, it can be however, accomplished through deeds.

You say realize me. Actions speak louder than words, You want her to see you, hear you, feel you, believe you, Show don't Tell.

Moe · Answer

Give me your doughnut, my honeydew.  Deep fry my crueler, and I'll give it to you.  I don't like no dry diet muffin.  I like something creme filled when I am stuff'in.

? · Answer

The second poem is better and you should read it to her.

Anonymous · Answer

My thoughts aren’t straight 
Yet they are true

It sounds like you're telling her you're gay, like you're coming out to her.

Anonymous · Answer

bfds

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Poem opinions?

5 Answers