GOOD POEM OR NWAHHHH?

Question

I'm 16 and I don't want to share it with family or friends because it's sorta "intense " 
Opinions ?
why can't I feel this emotion called happy 
not gunna lie , life so far has been pretty crappy
lost myself somewhere in this world 
transfixed by my Ultimate elimination 
hurts too much , worlds problems are causing a inflammation 
why is it so hard to wake up everyday 
I just wish I could live in my dreams then all my problems would dissipate away 
I just want to scream and let it all out but it's trapped by all my fears and doubts 
I don't know what my life is all about 
I'm caught in a storm and I can't get out 
I keep on trying to convince myself I'm alright 
but God I just want to slit my wrists with the sharpest knife 
then maybe my pain would go away 
and I wouldn't live to see another day

And I don't have a title yet either so any ideas for that ? If it's even good enough to have a title lol

5 ft 7 Texas Heaven · Answer

Hello, "Hello" Certainly powerful, with potent intent. A few suggestions.

Rhyming couplets are fine, be consistent, OR work this into three line stanzas, given some lines are long. Break them with punctuation, still allowing your thought to rhyme.

Some of the wording, 16 or not, can be changed, IE: "Gunna" and "Crappy"
For help with rhyme, try this link... I used Crappy, but Rhyme zone is one of the best I've found...
http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=crappy&org1=syl&typeofrhyme=perfect

Watch EWD, Extra Word Disorder, filler words not needed, adding nothing.
"my problems would dissipate away" Drop "dissipate" try "fade"
Titles: I often find titles for my work, within the body of the poem, OR related to the poem.
It needs work, but isn't beyond help, if you feel even the slightest passion for poetry. <3

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GOOD POEM OR NWAHHHH?

1 Answer