Hello

I got extremely suicidle , and basically took a full bottle ( my guess about 2 months worth at least ) pills, they were amiteryline ( spelled something like that) but i know it was a trylic depressant and they were little blue pills used for treating depression, migraines, and it was also a sleeping pill... I was stuck in emerg for two days and my family wouldn't really tell me how I was acting or what I was like , just that " it was bad " .. I legit don't remember being in emerg , like I forgot two days of my life but apparently I was awake? Was I close to actually dying ? How do u even act when your on that many pills ? It fusturates me so much that I don't remember ...

Basically one day my co worker said he was good at math and could help me so we face timed for a bit and then after he asked if I wanted to join a Skype call with a bunch of his friends .... I didn't have anything else to do and I was bored so I was like sure why not ...

But all the sudden they all started making sexual remarks like asking me to suck there **** for chicken nuggets and asking me to send nudes to like the whole group ( it was like 8 guys ) and a bunch of other nasty sexual stuff I got upset and started bitching at them and they got mad at me saying how I was in the wrong for getting so mad ... Basically I work with this kid and next weekend my other co worker switched two shifts with him and I'll be stuck with him for hours :( I haven't said anything to the manager because luckily I haven't been scedualled with him before ... I have bad anxiety and I like will cry if I have to talk to him and stuff . Like am I just over reacting , .. I don't want to get him in trouble I just don't want to work with him ... But like I want to talk to the managers about it but I'm scared I'm overreactin or just causing drama ... Opinions?:/

those were the good old days

when happiness came in more ways

when I wasn't transfixed on how much I weighed

now all that matters is the money I've payed

what can I possibly do to try and make this pain go away

just for a couple days just to build my strength to let it tumble again in a daze

I worry this isn't a phase

I'm worried the pain will never stop eating my heart away

it feels like my whole body is in a state of decay

like I'm too dead inside to even remember what it was like to smile , even just for awhile

just for today

My mom died of cancer when I was 11. It was pretty bad and sudden . I watched her slowly die . I was told she had two weeks to live I couldn't even hug her because she hurt too bad ...

It hasn't really bothered last couple of years . I just do this thing where I pretend it never happened and she never existed or that I pretend I hated her and it would be better if she was dead anyways ..

Last week I visited her grave for the first time since I was like 13 ( I'm 17 now )

I didn't think it would effect me that bad .. But it did . It just brought back memories and now I don't know what to do because I keep on getting flashbacks and having the " what if " or like it was my fault for not knowing she was sick .. ( because she had skin cancer and if she diagnosed early stages she would have been fine .. ) like is this normal ? I keep on having the flashback of when she was really sick , when she couldn't eat. She had tubes all in her and her face was all sunken in and blood would always run down her lips because she couldn't drink anything . I dream about her now too . I wake up and realize she's still dead and it breaks me all over again ... I just want these memories to stop flashing across my mind .. They never did before goin to her grave :( I think it triggered something idk . Sometimes I want to kill my self so I can be with her . What's wrong with me you think ? Is it PTSD ? Idk :/

So I just turned 17 ... I was at the bar last night . Basically this 28 year old went home with me and wanted to have sex with me and stuff .:: he Literlly like took his **** out of his pants in front of me..: I didn t think it was that huge of a deal but I told my friends and they sorta kinda flipped .. I also made out with this guy but I kept on trying to get away

Sometimes when I stand up my visions like blackens and I get really dizzy . Is that normal ?

I'm 16 and I don't want to share it with family or friends because it's sorta "intense "

Opinions ?

why can't I feel this emotion called happy

not gunna lie , life so far has been pretty crappy

lost myself somewhere in this world

transfixed by my Ultimate elimination

hurts too much , worlds problems are causing a inflammation

why is it so hard to wake up everyday

I just wish I could live in my dreams then all my problems would dissipate away

I just want to scream and let it all out but it's trapped by all my fears and doubts

I don't know what my life is all about

I'm caught in a storm and I can't get out

I keep on trying to convince myself I'm alright

but God I just want to slit my wrists with the sharpest knife

then maybe my pain would go away

and I wouldn't live to see another day

And I don't have a title yet either so any ideas for that ? If it's even good enough to have a title lol

So a few nights ago I had a really intense dream that I was fighting someone , I remember they pushed me and I fell and hit my arm really hard on the cement .., I woke up and my arm was aching ... Like it hurt to move any part of it ... Now I notice there's a giant bruise on that arm right where I got it knocked in my dream ... Was I just like fighting myself in my sleep ? Lol like it's kinda weird ...

Do you think Cassidy is a pretty name ? Is it common ? What's your first impression of someone with the name Cassidy ?

R RATED :

I wish I could be high 24/7

pull the trigger, now I'm in heaven

****** up **** happened when I was eleven

questioning the world as a girl , I was just seven

my thoughts tell me i don't leave much of a impression

my life's a R rated movie

view at your own discretion

at my lowest with all this depression

lost my life's call from this bad reception

it hurts to much to look at my God damn reflection

I'm lost , disconnected with the worlds connection

life's never been this hard from my recollection

a lost girl inside with lots of confessions

sometimes I forget it's not legalized it's a obsession

I know I get critized and I don't know why

if I could just get rid of my demons with some pesticides

so many suicides

It's pretty intense I know . So I didn't want to read it to close family / friends so random peoples opinions are better lol

things will get better

I keep repeating to myself

while on the inside I know I need some help

I'm twisting I wish I could go back to being twelve

all my happiness is in storage on a ******* shelf

why is it so hard existing in this ****** up place

my scarred heart keeps on coexisting I feel so misplaced

why is everything have to be defined with stupid race

I swear half the people on this planet are a ******* waste

and don't you dare say it's just bad taste , humanity has lead astray were a god damn disgrace

we might as well put our problems on display because evalution has gone the **** away , and no it's not delay , were dead to the world everything wants us to go away

worried about the test you'll be dead rotting flesh , decay in another ************* few decades

so **** the grades

I'm a 16 year old girl I'm 5.9 and I weigh 175 pounds ... Is that fat ???? Like I've lost 30 pounds already since the year started and I think I'm still gross and big looking . Thanks

She got a hamster for her 9th birthday . When she first got it , it was the most cutest sweetest hamster I ve ever seen ( I prefer rats way over hamsters ) apparently he nipped my sister a few times but he never ever bit me .

Then something happened , my sister said she apparently "dropped him" and now he like crawls around because his hind legs aren t working bearly but like he was still friendly and not vicious . my dad refuses to take him to a vet . I would if I could but I don t have my license to drive him nor I do I have money ,

I hadn t gone up to see him in a while because I ve been really busy with my social life and stuff .

When I came up to see him he bit my finger and made me bleed a lot . He like cringes very time you touch him and try s to bite .

I still managed to feed him though .

And he was acting really weird , he like went in the corner of the cage and was like digging .,

So I just found Melanie Marinez songs and I absolutely loved it !!! Like I'm obsessed 😍😍 what are some other song/ artists like her ? I'm into like the "chill" music pretty much haha .

ITube ised to work so well , it sucks that they had to take it down :(

I'm basically just looking for a app exactly like iTube was where I can download music and listen to them without Internet

I know iTube has like a new app called playtube and it doesn't even download music -.- just plays it ... So is there another app I can get for my IPhone 5s that will download and play music without Internet ?

So I've made friends with this 29 year old guy .... Would it be weird for me to just hangout with him and watch a movie ? Of course nothing sexual ... We're just friends :)

So I went to a party last night and went a little overboard , I drank half a bottle of vodka , a few shots of sourpuss , 2 coolers, atleast 10 Jell-O shots.

I'm 16 5.9 and I weigh 175 pounds if that helps any !!

I didn't have any supper that night either .

I completely don't remember anything from last night ....

I also had apparently smoked pot and had a bunch of darts

I couldn't walk or talk and apparently I kept passing out ...

I woke up in the morning and felt terrible , like I've never had a hangover that bad before . I puked twice but it was really weird because my puke was brown?!?! And like I hadn't had anything but water to drink in the morning ...?

I kept on getting hot and cold flashed , I couldn't stop shaking , I had a fever and I couldn't see straight and my breathing was really heavy and forced .

Right now it's supper time and I still feel terrible and disoriented . I keep on forgetting things I shouldn't like how to turn the shower off for example ..

Like I have had hangovers before but they never last this long or hurt this bad ..

So when I was 11 my mom passed away from cancer , I never really got help or talked to anyone after ...

Now I'm 16. It feels like it was all just a dream , like she was never alive , she never was a actual person ..

Like is that normal? I guess that's how I cope but like I don't know if that's normal

I'm 16 and every day I just daydream about killing myself . It hurts really bad. It's almost like the feeling you get when something really bad happens and your stomach just drops . I feel that way constantly now and I'm scared .