How's this poem ?

Question

those were the good old days  
when happiness came in more ways 
when I wasn't transfixed on how much I weighed 
now all that matters is the money I've payed 
what can I possibly do to try and make this pain go away 
just for a couple days just to build my strength to let it tumble again in a daze 
I worry this isn't a phase 
I'm worried  the pain will never stop eating my heart away 
it feels like my whole body is in a state of decay 
like I'm too dead inside to even remember what it was like to smile , even just for awhile 
just for today

She Dances With Love · Accepted Answer

I hope if these are your sentiments, that wellness comes your way!  I like your poem, it's freely versed!

SKITTZO · Answer

There isn't much new written here even though
an effort is better then none.
It's lacking imagery and any punch that makes it stand out.

I sit here all day,continuing to write words,
All the time over thinking is turning absurd,
Write,imagine,throw out,then start again,
Remembering most poets have no friends.

Caz :) x · Answer

When we start to die 
we are never really sure why 
Yes it's strange, 
when we never know how or what to change.

interesting poem

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's good

Simpson576 · Answer

zzzzzz.  What's that. Sorry, I was dozing. Yeah, yeah, great stuff. Shakespeare, move over.

erica · Answer

I like it, my only advice is to type it in a proper format. This should bring a larger amount of positive reviews.

Anonymous · Answer

yeah but pain is to bring you to the reality of what a immense feeling  peace is...  so enjoy your pain be it in poerty your job or friends... everything else is   void

Fruth · Answer

banal. sign up for a poetry wrriting course.

Anonymous · Answer

Most of the "rhyming" words don't actually rhyme. Try again.

Lola · Answer

that's one long sentence...

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How's this poem ?

15 Answers