I want to kill myself?

Hi. My name is Jimmy. I'm a college freshman, 19 years of age, and I want to die. I want to kill myself because I have lost who I am and I predict a very bleak future. Last semester was the best of time my life. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends. But last semester, was the best. I was making friends, getting to know them, I was doing great in school, etc. I used to have wit, creativity, intelligence, drive, heart for people, a sense of humor, passion for learning and comics and martial arts, a crush, etc. Even then, I was still nervous and kinda awkward, but in a good almost "cute" way. Well, because of this I took a program called "Conversational Confidence" by Eduard Ezeanu, listened to it one too many time, and believe it or not, it felt like brainwash. I had a psychotic episode and a lot of bad **** happened. Ultimately, I got through it with difficulty. But I've ended up an incredibly different person. They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but now I just feel weaker. I feel as if all of said good qualities have been COMPLETELY erased. And I feel like I'm a terrible person. All I think about is my own mental health, my relationships, my personality, and the past. I see other kids living, laughing, and loving, and I don't think I'll ever have that. When I talk it comes out as either boring or weird. Or I'm quite. I struggle intellectually and with memory. I just don't see a future. I pray to be different but I don't think it's going to happen.