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Lv 4

Should we break up, take a break, or try to work it out?

I feel silly posting this on yahoo answers but I would like some unbiased opinions from strangers. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years but we've been friends for 4 years. We love and respect one another very much and we get along very well. I'm 24 and he's 23. We used to live in the same city and we were very happy while we were together. This August, he moved away to get his PhD even though he had a full-time job offer in the city where I live. I respect his decision to move because his PhD is something he really wants. We decided to do a LDR and it hasn't been going well. He's uproariously busy and I'm getting my PhD too but I'm done with classes, so I have more time to miss him. He's not prioritizing our relationship and he's admitted as much. I don't think I'm the type of person who can handle not being his priority when he is my priority. And he really doesn't have the time to spend time with me. I spend time with my friends too, I'm not a needy hermit, I just need more love from him. We talked about this and there's really not much we can do at this point. But I don't want to give up on something that is great when we're together. I also don't want to resent him or waste my 20's (I'll be 29 by the time he gets his PhD) waiting for him. Is love enough to make this work?

Update:

Just to clarify, since both answerers have made the same comment, I DON'T already have my PhD, I still have 3 years left to finish, which is why I'm stranded here. And he is my priority during it. Even while I was taking classes, we spent every day together.

3 Answers

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  • 5 years ago

    By all means, don't "waste" your 20's.

    How old will you be when you get YOUR PhD? Seems, to me, that if you were prioritizing HIM.. then you'd be looking for a job near where he'll be going to school for years soon as you're done.

    Maybe you two do break up. The minute one of you begins to wonder if you're wasting your time.. possibly are.

  • John W
    Lv 7
    5 years ago

    Obviously his top priority is his PHD. Since you already have yours you know how much work is involved. It does sound like he needs to allocate some time for you. At the same time you seem to have more free time, so should be more flexible about when you can chat. LDRs are tough. One thing that helps is if you can get together occasionally face to face. Since you have the free time maybe its possible for you to travel to see him when possible.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    5 years ago

    Sorry, but logically you cannot be his priority until he gets his PHD, anymore than he was yours when you were studying. Real love is always patient. If you do not view him as worth waiting for then, from your side at lesst, it is not love.

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