After death of Dad, family at odds about Christmas. Please advise?

Question

Dad died 10/03/16.  My mother and I cared for him in his last years, right down to changing diapers and feeding him.  Now that he is gone, neither of us wants to observe the holidays, at least until February, when the birthdays start

My brother insists that we carry on regardless.  Thanksgiving and Christmas.  He cannot understand why we want to pass on these holidays this year.

We really just want to mourn.  Just this year.  Are we wrong?

Pearl L · Accepted Answer

i dont think youre wrong, maybe your brother should celebrate with someone else then

Mitzi · Answer

It's best to keep him in your remembrance and do what he would've thought was best.  He wouldn't want you to grieve and not celebrate holidays that have brought your family together in the past. It's good to grieve for the soul, but he wouldn't have wanted to see his family like this so you have to be strong for him. He may be not on this earth anymore but his soul is still alive inside the all of you,  and I'm sure he's looking down on you from wherever he is thinking this isn't the way he would've wanted things.

Anonymous · Answer

Both, in a way. Mourn, but maybe lace it with memories/stories of previous Christmases - your fave as a child/teen, etc. and just make a low-key effort with presents, food, etc. rather than the standard 'all out' going for it/breaking the bank balance, etc.

Anna E · Answer

If you have children or there are other grandchildren, I would recommend carrying on holiday traditions for them.  But ultimately it is up to you.  My mother passed away on October 24, 2012.  The Holidays were hard, but she always wanted to be involved and loved the holidays so we really carried on to honor her.

mzjavert · Answer

Of course you are not wrong.  Everyone grieves differently.

Ordinary Guy · Answer

do what is best for you

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After death of Dad, family at odds about Christmas. Please advise?

6 Answers