Advice on after school activity for 8 year old girl who has trouble staying on task and being defiant?

Question

My 8 year old step daughter currently does intermediate gymnastics but is on the brink of being asked to step down to a basic gymnastics class because of her behavior.  She will do things when she is not supposed to or NOT do things she is asked. She talks too much and lacks focus. If she is asked to do something she doesn't like, she doesn't try as hard. For example, she loves bars and excels at them but she is lacking in the flexibility department so when she is asked to do things that require flexibility she doesn't give much effort. She is constantly questioning decisions by adults and likes to push buttons. If the teacher tells her to stand on the white line, she will find a different white line and stand on that. Gymnastics requires discipline and drive, which she is lacking, and it is expensive and competitive, they do not tolerate this type of behavior. We do not want to pay for something like this if she chooses to behave badly and not focus. We are struggling because we want her to be involved in SOME sort of after school activity but with her behavioral issues, I'm not sure what would be beneficial for her.  She has the tendency to show off and try to be the center of attention however, she doesn't take criticism well. At home, she enjoys doing arts and crafts but doesn't stay focused long. We are working with her and her school on her behavior. ANY ideas of any activities that might be suitable for her?

? · Accepted Answer

Sounds like she might need an activity with fewer formal rules...maybe karate or soccer. She might like dance class, not ballet as that's super rigid, but maybe modern dance or tap? She also may benefit from a male instructor, they can sometimes be more authoritative with bouncy kids like yours...which is why I suggested karate or maybe  a co-ed soccer team...her behavior would be more accepted among boys, who are pretty bouncy too, so maybe she won't feel so frustrated that her natural behavior and personality are so unacceptable in gymnastics. Plus, peers can sometimes control behavior way better than adults can.
Also, I'm wondering if her, what I would call tendency towards hyperactivity, has been looked into? I"m not suggesting she be medicated, but maybe tweak her diet if she eats lots of sugar and junk food. 
Regardless, please keep trying, keep being supportive and accepting of who she is, and above all, don't blame her or punish her for things that she truly may not be able to control at this point. I applaud you for seeking guidance for her. Hope that helps and good luck.

? · Answer

She sounds like an eight year old.  Try asking her what she wants to do.  Don't put her on the spot and expect an answer right away.  Start a conversation with her.  Let her have some time to figure it out.

Gymnastics is often all-or-nothing.  Many coaches have the attitude that you are a serious gymnast, or you are wasting our time.  Think about that as you consider activities, and find one that she can do for fun without a deep commitment.

Try taking her to a playground with bars.

Mrs.Blessed · Answer

Gymnastics may be too focused for her.  I agree with Dan.  Ask her what she is interested in.  Some type of martial arts or dance might be a little more lively for her right now.

Veronica · Answer

Well, probably any activity involving arts and crafts but you might want to consider working on her discipline issues before enrolling her in any programs.

Pauly W · Answer

Maybe gymnastics is not the activity for her.

Anonymous · Answer

Paddle her.

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Advice on after school activity for 8 year old girl who has trouble staying on task and being defiant?

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