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Did I do it right?
I was writing a dialogue and wanted to mention that a character has a wife through the dialogue. But I didn't want to make it totally obvious like "How's the wife?" or anything like that. Instead, the character changes the subject a bit and it goes like,
"How's Joana?"
"Probably asleep. She had a tough day at work, as she said on the phone."
Does that make it obvious that guy #2 has a wife or does it simply imply it? I'm trying to imply it only.
2 Answers
- 3 years ago
It does a good job of conveying that there is a girlfriend or wife.
The only flaw I see is "as she said on the phone." This doesn't seem to be natural speech to me but an artificial after thought. I don't see why he has to identify that this was one the phone. "she said she had a tough day at work." would seem better, as it communicates that he spoke with her. People seem to rarely mention such things as being phone calls these days.
- Dawgface420Lv 53 years ago
It makes it clear that guy #2 has a person in his life named Joana. His exact relationship to her remains ambiguous. I see nothing wrong with leaving it that way. If the reader wants to know more, the reader can keep reading.
