Can I still ask my ex to try again?

Question

I’m 28, my ex is 27. She just became Facebook official with a guy she’s been dating for 2 months. We’ve been broken up 3 months and were together for 5 months, but it felt like longer. I say that without hyperbole. We both saw a future with each other and have said I love you.

BUT, I ****** up Because I was uncomfortable with commitment (haven’t had a serious relationship in a long time) and freaked out 3-4 times about with how quickly we were moving. In the end, I broke up with her. It’s only in the last few months, after consistently hanging out (we wanted to stay close friends b/c of our connection—her idea!) and not being WITH her that I realized how much she means to me.

She messed up in her own ways too, which I think is important. I may have been bad at initiating communication, but I was always honest and thorough whenever we had deep, serious talks. Getting a full, honest answer from her is like pulling teeth. What I’m saying is the relationship wasn’t perfect but I’m now in a place where I WANT to get down and dirty and work on the real relationship stuff. I don’t want to run away when things get tough, which is something we both have done in our own way.

What do you think? She still texts me every other day, shares jokes, wants to catch up from time to time. Is it too late to tell her I love her and ask if she would ever take me back?

Thanks for reading.

Foofa · Answer

It's always risky to project your own feelings onto someone else. Clearly SHE didn't see much of a future with you, probably owing to your fear of commitment. If you try to break up her current relationship she'll only resent you. Five months is no time at all in the scope of life. But is she's willing to maintain contact you can see how things go for her with this guy. At 27 she's probably looking for something serious and if he offers it (whereas you could not) she may opt to make what she had permanent rather than wasting anymore time with you. She's at the age where if she wants kids she's looking for a serious life partner.

Carrie · Answer

I think you need to respect that she is in a relationship with someone else and move on,

Beverly S · Answer

She's moved on.. you can ask, but you may be disappointed with her answer.. since she has a new guy!

? · Answer

Neither of you know what you want.   She's in a relationship now.   It's time to move on.

bubula · Answer

How about telling her you love her after, if it's true, and not before you get those full, honest answers you're looking for? The truth is, both of you sound ambivalent, and I'd like you to consider the possibility that what you're proposing--telling her, immediately after she has started dating someone else, that you're finally ready to work things out--might be self-sabotage, just another way of not committing to this person. You seem to be wanting to say to yourself, and to her, "Look how hard I'm trying. Look how sincere I'm being." When you know, deep down, that if she's involved with someone else, chances are very good she's going to say no thanks. The fact that she wanted to remain friends and continues to hang out with you didn't necessarily mean she wanted to resume the relationship. In fact, by dating someone else, she is indicating just the opposite. Giving you a clear shot at asking her to come back because you're finally ready for commitment, when you have a pretty good idea it won't go anywhere.
Think about it. Good healthy lasting relationships are not this rocky.
Best of luck.

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Can I still ask my ex to try again?

5 Answers