Okay, I'm here to take your statement. Can you please tell me in your own words why you were kicked out of that supermarket again?

You're wasting your time officer.  For behold! It is I, K*MAC, international man of mystery.  No prison can hold me!  Even now, as we speak, someone is browsing a personal hygiene product that I have tampered with in a most depraved and devious way. But what?  And how?  Any why?  The last question...that will take some time to answer...and perhaps the use of finger puppets to aid the discussion.  I will need popsicle sticks, craft glue and many hues of the finest felt.

I had a strong impulse to free the live seafood, but I didn't do it. They're either reading my thoughts, or they remember me from last week.

"Well officer... the sign says, 'No shoes, no shirt, no service.' It doesn't say anything about pants."

Well you see officer, all I did was ask the nice lady in the fruit section if I can tap her melons to affirm that they were ripe. Seriously. What is so wrong with that?

They didn't like me using the security camera as a shaving mirror.

):

THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

Apparently you're not supposed to try out the toilet paper before you buy it.  How do I know if I need the quilted, extra soft, or extra strong versions unless I test them out first?!

because i didn't have any clothes on.

In the movies, whenever someone starts to sing and dance, everyone else joins in and it's so jolly and nice!

Evidently, KROGER thinks it's disruptive and a public nuisance and bad for business.

:(

i never been kicked out of one