Will I ever fully get over this? ?

When I moved away with my bf and his friends. They all treated me like ****! They all knew each other for years and I was an outsider and I couldn’t find a job for ages not for lack of trying and they made me feel like a waster even though some of them had no jobs and nothing was said to them. Everything I did needed a group meeting but when they did the same thing nothing was said. They went places without me they talked about me I caught them a few times but didn’t say anything. My bf didn’t stand up for me until the end of 4 months and this was only because I threatened to leave.  I looked into the sea every night thinking I would love to just jump and end it all and I’ve never had those thoughts before or since I just felt so lost and bullied. It took me to book a flight home for him to say anything to them. I still don’t know what he said but I know him and I know it was more of a she had a problem so stop not we have a problem convo. It has been 4 years since this happened but I can’t move past it I’ve tried to talk to his friends about it to squash it but the gf of his best friend never lets me finish cuts Over me and says there was just too many people living there. I feel I can’t get past it and resent my bf for not standing up for me because if the shoe was on the other foot I would have screamed at my friends for this behaviour it was awful and made me feel bullied. Will this fade it makes me hate him at times