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Cant get over my ex?
I’ve dated others in the past , it was fun I thought I was in love , it ended I was sad for a bit and then bounced back quickly. Then I met a boy who showed me what true love looks like. The funny thing is we never technically dated, we were still exclusive, confessed love and did everything a couple did . He was the first person I’ve ever felt safe with. He made me see life differently, I woke up excited, our deep convos inspired me, and he always knew what to say to make me feel like a beautiful soul. I loved him for him even his flaws. I lived to see his smile light up a room, the way he laughed, the kindness he showed others, his charisma. Then his life got in the way. He was in a sort of survival mode, and considering he moved to America as a kid, and had been on his own since, he coped by pushing me away. It hurt because I just wanted to help him but I gave him his space. Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore because it was destroying me. We still loved eachother but the timing we agreed, wasn’t right. He wanted to remain friends but I couldn’t do that to myself. It’s been 6 months and I still can’t move on (even though our “relationship” only lasted 9 months).
Since then I’ve found countless others that are genuine nice guys that I just can’t commit to. As I’m laying in the arms of a dude who resembles a model who truly cares about me, I can’t help but think of my ex’s smile and how I wish he was here instead. I feel pathetic and guilty for not moving on.
I’m perfectly happy being single, and have focused on myself a lot. My problem is I’m passing up some great very attractive guys simply because it doesn’t feel right like it did with him.I want to feel like that with someone again, and I don’t want to be trapped in a relationship that doesn’t provide the love I desire. My question is will I ever find that . And if I’m being honest with myself I miss him being in my life.
2 Answers
- tonyLv 73 months ago
one of the main reasons why you continue to stay stuck on your Ex is because of fear. You are afraid of starting over.
This is enough to make anyone stuck in a toxic trauma bond. However, by overvaluing them, you’re placing your ex on the same pedestal they likely had you on at one time. The difference
Make peace with the past.
- Anonymous3 months ago
True love? .. NOT the exciting obsessive high that we have at first. Actual love does NOT feel like that, and this high never lasts. What you are describing is self-induced fantasy, and the stronger it is at the start, the worse any actual relationship with them would turn out to be.
He canot be your "ex" because you two never dated, never had a REAL relationship. Stop calling him that, for YOUR sake.
TRUE love won't even start to grow until you two have been living together as full partners for at least 2 to 4 years ... and it takes 20 years together to make it work. And it is not exciting or passionate .. it is soothing.
His "love" was just him liking the feeling of being "in love", and most of the time when that feeling dies out naturally, so too does their interest in you.
And your reaction is typical of someone who is afraid of life and unhappy and hopes love will fix them and their life ... and the more we seek this, the more unhappy we end up being with the person once the infatution phase has died out.
As far as "can't" get over ... as long as you tell yourself that, then you WON'T get over them. Force yourself to turn your mind elsewhere whenever you find yourself thinking about this fantasy love you are so attached to ..and it you are not completely over him within 8 months, talk to a therapist.
