Having issues with my girlfriend and her 4 year old son. ?

Question

I recently moved in with my girlfriend and her 4.5 year old son. To start off with the kid really likes me and enjoys spending time with me. When we do active things he is usually behaved. As of recently he has been acting up and driving me off the walls. He doesnt listen at all, you have to ask him 10 times to, take of his shoes, eat his food, stop running in the house, pick up your toys. He doesnt respect adults and does pretty much what he wants with out punishment. He expects he cartoons to be on the living room tv all day. If you change the tv he throws a fit and goes and tells his mom im being mean. I take this kid to the park, arcades, to get ice cream, play baseball and he doesnt seem to appreciate it or respect me. His whole family lets him do what ever he wants. He is not potty trained and refuses to use the potty.  His mom lets him eat dinner on the couch and make a mess and get food inside the couch. He will drink a juice and throw it on the ground when hes done. I had a sit down with his mom and said if she doesnt change his behavior soon im done. I put the effort in to be a “step parent” and feel disrespected and unappreciated. His dad is not in the picture at all. What do i do here

Star_of_Darkness · Accepted Answer

A belt to the backside

You tell him only once go fo something and since he won't do it due to being spoiled, you need to smack him

If he won't pick up his toys up after being told to one time then you take all the toys away for a few days and then give them back. If he won't pick them up after being told to this time, you throw the  toys out

No eating on the couch anymore. Table only. If he refuses to eat then he gets nothing at all until the next meal time

No more tv no matter how much he screams about it

wldswede · Answer

He's 4.5 years old, I think that's where you start. Children this age are going to have their moments of being awful, they don't have adult brains, they have children's brains and those brains are not fully developed. He simply doesn't have the biological development to act like an adult... because he's a small child. You seem to have had the vision that you would go in and show him a good time and win his heart and devotion. That doesn't happen in real life. He and his mother have had 4.5 years without you in the picture and it's going to take more than a few trips to the park to have a real relationship with the kid. A father isn't all about parks, arcades, ice cream... a father needs to understand that children are children and going to do childish things. 4.5 year olds don't have the word "appreciation", they very much do as they've been taught through modeling and observing the adults in their lives. He doesn't need punishment, he needs some boundaries maybe and expectations, some modeling, and some structure. If you want to watch your own show, then give him some warning before just barging into his life and changing everything. Say, "Hey, dude, after this show, I'd like to change the channel." If you and his mother decide that you're all going to eat as a family then both of you need to say, "I know you usually eat on the couch, but tonight we are going to eat together at the table." Or, if he still eats on the couch, hand him a rag and say, "Let's clean up the couch together." Tell him where his cup belongs when he's done... kids aren't born knowing these things. "Here's your juice, dude, when you are done remember to put your cup on the counter."

Patricia · Answer

You're part of the problem giving him everything and taking him places.  If he's allowed to do whatever he wants, he'll probably be in juvenile detention jail by the time he's fourteen.

You also have to remember respect is earned.  So if he doesn't respect you it's probably because you let him cross your boundaries.

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Having issues with my girlfriend and her 4 year old son. ?

3 Answers