Men, how much do you feel a FWB owes you?

Question

I (woman) had a FWB situation going on for about 10 years (I know, I know). I had wanted a lot more but he never did so that's where it stayed.
I eventually met someone who fell in love with me and it was amazing! Because I had been single for so long, and to have someone who actually wanted to be in public with me and didn't hide me from his friends and family was the freaking bomb!When I told my FWB guy about it, he got very mad, and said "fine if you just want to be with someone who is a sure bet, don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!" Which made me confused because he never wanted anything with me and he was supposed to be my friend (we were legitimately good friends, or so I thought). Also, I feel like he was implying I did not deserve love and security.He hasn't spoken to me in almost five years and now and then I still feel incredibly sad because I miss my friend. But I also feel like maybe he wasn't a very good person anyway.Men, did I do something wrong?

Loonasee · Accepted Answer

It may have been a limited relationship but it lasted for a decade so obviously there were feelings there.  
But for all that time,not wanting to go out in public with you, hiding you from friends and family and pretending that he didn't really have any feelings beyond friendship for you is a sign of a very unhealthy individual.
Be grateful that you met the person who fell in love with you and had no problem showing you his love....and hopefully you fell in love with.  It shows you very clearly that of course you are worthy of love and security.
The one who obviously doesn't believe he is, is your old "friend'.  Its sad that he doesn't think he's worthy of love but its not your fault or your problem.  Its been 5 years.  Mentally wish him the best, hope that he can find love like you have, in no way think that you did a thing wrong and move on.
I'm not a man, but I've been around for about 6 decades, learned a thing or two :)

Murzy · Answer

For 10 yrs you got what you wanted and he got what he wanted. It's over and done so don't look back.

Anonymous · Answer

I do not think that you did anything wrong. If you friend wanted to be with you, he had plenty of time to tell you how he felt. What happened is that your friend became upset because he would not longer get to have sex with you on a regular basis given that you were now in a relationship. This obviously inconvenienced him because he enjoyed his fwb arrangement with you.

Whether or not he truly meant those comments is all academic. However, if I were to guess I would say that it was the frustration talking because the status quo had been disrupted and he was genuinely happy for you.

Mark · Answer

Your relationship was based purely on sex.  Once the sex was gone, so was the relationship.  There was nothing left to support a friendship, nor would it have been appropriate to continue to have a friendship with somebody who was only just a FB when you are in a romantic relationship with somebody else.  It was likely the best thing for your actual true relationship.  You just let yourself get too close emotionally to him because sex does that, but once you leave the bedroom, you never had anything more than that.  You did not have a friendship, you had a FB.

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Men, how much do you feel a FWB owes you?

4 Answers