I found my boyfriend selfish to the teeth with this behavior. Is he?

Question

We started play house a year ago, among other things, I found he secures his food at dinner all the times. When I cook, he would pick his favorite pieces pile up in his plate before I even get a chance to sit down. When we order food from restaurant, he would pour most food (if not all) into his plate but normally could not finish it. Little things and body language indicate he is afraid I would like to try his food and might want some of his.
I was brought up to share food and wait for mom (and everyone in the family) to come to the table before we start getting food. If we order food from restaurant, even though we mostly pick a dish for everyone, we put them in the center family dinner style.
Is my boyfriend selfish or I happen to be brought up nicely different?

Patricia · Answer

Your boyfriend seems like a glutton to me.  Just fix yourself a plate before you put food on the table if he's that dumb.

Anonymous · Answer

Not sure what "play house" is, but you clearly have issues with this because your question is here twice.  Not everyone shares food at a restaurant, in fact, most people don't.

Jerry · Answer

If that's the general behavior in his family at meal time then he'd be a fool to NOT behave that way. A HUNGRY fool more than likely.

You might bring it up with him as a matter of "people from different backgrounds might misunderstand your behavior, might even be offended by your dining habits." Offer to treat him to his favorite meal if he will agree to "dine formally," which will include taking turns and taking small portions. "You mustn't pile food on your plate as if you're starving. That embarrasses some people."

Rebuke him often but gently. 
"Honey, there is no danger of starvation. If we eat everything and we're still hungry, I'll make cheese & crackers for us to snack on."
"Darling, you're taking pretty much all the chicken. I like chicken too."
"Taking more on your plate than you can eat -- a lot of people would judge you on that."
"How about we serve ME first. When we serve YOU first I don't get my share of the good stuff. If you think I'm taking to much, say something."
"One of us will divide the food into two portions. The other gets first pick."

Try to let go of the "my family's way is right and his family's way is wrong" thinking. When people from different backgrounds come together, one will find the other overly formal, cold, picky. And the other will find the one totally lacking in manners. The two standards are very different. Not right, not wrong, just different.

You should be able to deal with "boarding house manners" when you're in a milieu where that is the norm. But Boyfriend needs to master the more formal manners that will serve him well in dining with professional colleagues, superiors, your family, and  in other settings where a more formal standard prevails.

musicamam · Answer

Selfish is a human characters that is secretly in all off us, we must control it, ask if your Boy friend wants help

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I found my boyfriend selfish to the teeth with this behavior. Is he?

4 Answers