Have you ever heard the tale of Dunkahoohoo?

Once upon a time there lived a crazy kangaroo on a lone pine tree named Dunkahoohoo.  Every so often he would ear a tray full of delicious cavity-inducing small cookies dipped in frosting called Dunkaroos.  Then he got whacked on the back of his head and fell to the ground unconscious.  An evil kid with a mask and black cape laughed at him as his eyes spiraled, his tongue twitched out of his mouth and his fake brain popped out of his head like a jack in a box.  The kid then proceeded to steal every last box of his beloved Dunkaroos. Dunkahoohoo soon woke up, saddened, and hopped into the horizon never to be seen again.  Now, this may not be the best ending but it teaches us a valuable lesson: if you’re Congressman Matt Gaetz or any kind of racist republican goon, and you tell lies that are less believable than this imaginary tale, you do not deserve to keep a career in politics.  The end.