catswimmer

I was just sitting in class today when it felt like someone punched me right in the sternum. I couldn't breath for a good few seconds, and since then I've been lightheaded, dizzy, giddy and my chest has been tight. The feeling of being punched in the chest has returned a few times since then, though none as dramatic as the first. I might be worrying over nothing, but does anyone know what might be causing this?

Anytime I eat a peppermint, drink something with peppermint in it (even tea) or have a candy cane, my stomach cramps up and just hurts a lot. I know it is supposed to relax your stomach and relieve stomach pains, and I have no idea why it does this. It's only a problem because I love the taste and always forget that it makes my stomach hurt until I already finished my peppermint. Does anyone know what could be causing this?

So I went to back up all of my files onto a CD and now they are all gone. It told me a couple times that it didn't work, but I didn't look at my files until a few minutes ago. Is there any way to restore my files? They aren't on the CD. I have Windows 7 ThinkPad (a PC). Help??

I *never* bruise. I can count the number of bruises I've had in the past 10 years on 2 hands. Now, however, I have 6 bruises on my legs. 3 on the front of the calves and the rest gathered around my knees. Different colors and sizes, all of them. I haven't been running into anything or banging my shins, which would be required for what is on my legs.

My right calf also gets shooting pains occasionally that make it super painful to walk or put any weight on it. I thought it was shin splints after I began running a lot more, but that was 2 months ago and I haven't run in the past month or so. What could it be?

It is naturally a dark brown in winter, light brown with faint highlights (red and blonde) in summer. I've never colored my hair before and want to do it with lemon juice, chamomile tea and other natural things I can pick up in a grocery store near me for cheap. I want it lighter with some faint red, just bring out a lot more of what is there naturally. Any advice?

I think I'm using a mixture of chamomile tea, lemon juice, olive oil (to counteract the drying effect of lemon) and maybe carrot or beet juice?

http://imgfave.com/view/1302025

Seriously being driven insane. 1st one to answer correctly gets it. Thanks!

I'm doing a project for government class, and we have the whole semester to solve or help solve a social conflict. I chose to do Somalia, but am unable to find any program to go through. Would I be able to start something on my own? I'm willing to spend a lot of time, and continue this project even after graduation. Who can I talk to? What resources are out there? Any help would be awesome!

Thanks

So I'm a senior in high school and over the summer my family moved from a high school of 2,200 to a town the same size. A big change.

It was a hard transition, but I think I am almost through it. However, one thing I noticed that has been getting worse is my sleep. I can't fall asleep, no matter how exhausted I am until midnight- no naps, no matter what I try. I am sooo tired but can't sleep. I've become restless as well, and can't sit still anymore (I used to be able to for hours). I now have an extremely short attention span and am often jittery. My hormones have been crazy as well. My period is irregular and I have been acting strangely, but have no clue why. For example, I have become obsessed with a boy I barely know, more obsessed than I can ever remember being with a boy before. I've also been more irritable lately.

Please help? I need some advice. Thanks! :)

I need help with what to get my best friend- who is like my sister- for her birthday.

So we've been Best friends for 7 years now, since I moved to Chicago. This summer I moved again, and she is going off to college in a couple months. She wants to be a music teacher- she is awesome at music. She was in really intense music programs for singing and Contra Bassoon. We went to the same church, and she is really devoted to our faith. We love coloring together! She is going to Hope College this fall. But I don't know what to get her.

I've already gotten her- scrapbook, necklace, bag, and tons of other stuff. Any ideas?? I want something she can put in her dorm room.

And I'm getting her a sweatshirt and coloring books, but I need something more central.

There was a very rich man who was just about to die and he wanted to take some of his wealth with him. So he started negotiations with God about the matter. God was not sure as it had never been done before and he did not want to set a precedence. Finally after long talks God reluctantly agreed to allow him to bring his wealth to heaven.

Just a few days before he died the rich man converted all his money into gold bullion. He died and the funeral home made sure that the suitcases containing the gold bullion went with him. He arrived at the Pearly Gates with his suitcases and there was Peter. Peter told him he could not bring the suitcases into heaven. But the man said he had already spoken to God and he had said it was OK. So Peter got on the God phone and sure enough it was true. So Peter was curious as to what was so valuable that the man wanted to bring it into heaven. Peter said, "Could I look in the suitcases?"

So the man opened the suitcases and Peter asked, "Why are you bringing pavement to heaven?"

irman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Can you guess it?

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If they

Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone

Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks,

Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with

"In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play

tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend

Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling

Name,' Rock Bottom'.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I

Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The

Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy,

We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

The poorly paid local pastor grew watermelons to suppliment his meager income. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the pastor's sign. When the pastor returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when a 30-year-old blonde named Michele got off work late one night. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

Michele sat in her car while it warmed up and finally remembered her dad's advice; that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snowdrift. Sure enough, in a little while a snowplow came by and she started to follow it.

Michele followed the snowplow for several hours, until the driver climbed out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

Michele said that she was fine and told him of her dad's advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied "That's OK with me, but I'm all done with the WalMart

parking lot."

Alabama

In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Alaska

In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona

In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.

In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.

In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.

In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.

Arkansas

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill “any living creature”.

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.

California

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

In Pacific Groove, “molesting” butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Colorado

In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Connecticut

It is illegal to dispose used razor blades.

In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h. even when going to a fire.

In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Delaware

It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

Florida

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.

Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.

When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.

In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Georgia

While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.

Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.

Hawaii

It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.

It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.

Idaho

You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois

In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.

According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.

Indiana

Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.

It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.

Iowa

State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.

In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.

Kansas

Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

Kentucky

It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.

Louisiana

In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.

It is considered “simple assault” to bite someone in New Orleans; it is “aggravated assault” if the biter has false teeth.

It is against the law to gargle in public.

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Maine

In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.

Maryland

In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.

Massachusetts

In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.

It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.

In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.

In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

Michigan

In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”

A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.

In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.

You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.

Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.”

Minnesota

Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.

In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.

Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.

It’s illegal to tease skunks.

Mississippi

I

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

~ Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

~ Miss Alabama’s Heather Whitestone in the 1994 Miss USA contest, who was later selected as Miss America 1995.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

~ Mariah Carey

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body”

~ Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country”

~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

~ Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jack@$$, and I’m just the one to do it.”

~ A congressional candidate in Texas.

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

~ Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

And (yea he gets two)…

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

~ Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States (and inventor of teh internet : )

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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”

~ Dan Quayle

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

~ Lee Iacocca

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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

~ Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people”

~ Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”

~ Bill Clinton, Former President of the United States

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“Traditionally, most of Australia ’s imports come from overseas.”

~ Keppel Enderbery

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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

~ Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

~ Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on,

I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace.