Leviticus

Fey, fey-touched, a changeling, what have you.

Yes, yes, it's impossibly insane and so forth, and if that's all you're going to say to me then spare the keyboard the finger beating, I've already thought it. But they keep coming up to me, perfect strangers, normal looking ones, not the crazies bedecked in eyeliner and hair dye but business men with their children with perfect teeth and wizened old adults in clean white cotton with pedicures and expensive purses and they are delighted with this unassuming human in front of them, this "fey", so to speak, they call me changeling and fairy and touched and I'm just standing there serving dinner at my job wondering what the hell this is all about. And then I go home and sit in my backyard in the dusk, and just when twilight hits I see them like I have for years, white and vibrant watching me watch them and I hear their maddening music inside of my head and I'm gripped with this delicious, savage joy, this urge to dance and I do, round and round in my backyard as they watch and they radiate almost devilish joy to me and it feels like being high then my roommate comes out and they're gone and the light and the music is gone and I. I don't know. I don't even know what they are. I just know where to find them, and that they like me, and it all feels twisted in a sense, but really giddy. What is happening to me? What the hell is going on? Why do I alone see them and feel them? Why do strangers call me quaint things like fairy-folk and changeling. Why do the happy balls of light I see pull me in to their wild circles and leave with my friends arrive with the beer?

Is there anybody else out there that has experienced this? I'm genuinely curious and mildly thrown off by these occurrences. Strangers in the streets stopping me to remark on the funny fey, friends asking me what I'm looking at when I see them and they just see a patch of grass or maybe a shimmer of light, meanwhile there they are, quick and translucent right in front of my eyes. I don't think I'm insane though I'm always open to the possibility. Hell, maybe I'm mad as a crackerjack. But still, I need to know. Is there anyone else who experiences this?

My beagle is a wonderful mush who sleeps through the night easily with me and always comes when called. She's about middle aged and in the more relaxed stage of beagle life, lazy and sleepy and all about food and belly rubs. Lately, however, I have noticed that my usually obedient pooch with a fondness for sleeping long hours keeps waking up in the middle of the night and going to stand in the middle of the bedroom floor, to stare at something I can't see behind me. Always in the same position on the floor, always staring in the same direction, not even acknowledging me when I call her. She doesn't seem distressed and doesn't make any noise. She just stares for at least fifteen minutes before eventually returning to bed and falling asleep. I find it odd and now a little creepy. I've seen if she needed the bathroom and checked to make sure everything was all attached securely and looking healthy, and even on an empty bladder-boom, there she sits and stares. And ignores, which is the real kicker, because she loves the sound of her name being called. Any other dog owners noticing this?

Is it sociably acceptable to request a female member of the staff to observe the no-facial hair policy?

Normally I'd overlook it but there's a thirteen year old girl who started working at my job two days ago and she resembles a bear. I considered ignoring the matter based on her age, but customers are complaining and I had one woman yesterday make mention of a hair in her sandwich and I think this kid is shedding everywhere. It's incredibly disturbing if you think about it. Anyways, do I tell her parent or caretaker to see she sees someone about that before her next shift or just tell her myself that it's company policy not to have any facial hair when working with food and she qualifies for a shave? My old boss used to keep spare bics in his desk so when our male staff forgot to shave before work, they could take care of it real fast in the bathroom and I'm thinking about sending her home with one, but I want to do this is a subtle way so as now to make her feel shame for her face hair. Please help as I've recently acquired this management position and want to keep my staff comfortable. Is there any sort of cream I can buy her? She's not so bad and seems nice enough, just she's so ugly. Thanks.

After months of subtle wooing, the coworker I've found my affections pining after agreed to go on a date with me. I booked us a choice restaurant, called a cab and came 'round to greet her at the appointed hour.

Things were going along smoothly as we arrived at the restaurant and took our seats. I was fully confident I'd be able to make her my new life partner by the end of the night. Naturally, I had invited my mother to join us, seeing as how her and I are quite close, and was delighted to have the two main girls of my life by my side as we broke bread.

Unfortunately, my coworker and love, who we will call "Dances With Wolves" did not seem to share my enthusiasm. If anything, the mere presence of my docile mother seemed to weigh on her nerves. Shortly after that meal, she stopped returning my calls. I've repeatedly requested she come over and speak to my mother one-on-one for a minute or two, but she declines.

I don't understand. I thought our first date was wonderful. Why can't she accept my mother too?