VetteLeo

Did you know that today is Steak and BJ Day?

www.steakandbjday.com

I wanna know what you guys would say if put on the spot.

Here's Mine:

You're the hottest thing since sunburn

go!

Q. What's green, slimy, and smells like pork?

A. kermit's finger.

Can i get an Amen?

A man comes home early from work while his wife was having an affair up in her room. She hears him come in the house, so she hides her lover in the closet. The guy hears a voice.

"sure is dark in here." says womans son.

"yup," says the guy

"this sure is a nice baseball" the kid says

"uh, sure kid" the guy says

"I'll sell it to you for 50 bucks" the kid says

"you're crazy!" the man replies

"my dad is right outside" the kid says

"okay, i'll buy it"

A few days later, the same thing happens. The husband comes home. The wife throws Sancho into the closet.

"sure is dark in here" the kid says

"yup" says the guy

"this sure is a nice baseball glove i've got here" the kid says

"how much?" the guy asks

"$100" says the kid

"deal"

Nevermind. It's Retarded.

How can you tell when a man has a high sperm count?

(answer in 15 minutes)

a Mormon walks into a bar...

*I heard this joke in spanish*

Q. What does a woman and a Tomato have in common?

A. They both take the flavor away from the "chilé"

WHAT'S A CRUCABANGER?

(be my guest)

Since that chick Fergie is no longer on the Black Eyed Peas, is the group going to change thier name to the Black Guy Peas?

A father walks in on his son and catches him masturbating.

"Timmy! I already told you if you keep doing that you're going to go blind!"

and timmy replies, "I'm over here, dad."

I'ts HUMP DAY!!

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."

"But ye screw ONE sheep...."

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

"Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Carmen," she replied.

"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"

"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Well," she explained, "I like men... and I like cars, so I figured, cars... men and that is how I got my name. What's your name?"

the man replies, "Beerpussy."