Luna7608

I want to make it clear that I respect other religious beliefs and political affiliations. This isn't about having different beliefs so much as it is the only thing our mother talks about anymore is politics and religion. I'm not going to go over the specifics of what she says to try to keep things a fair and clear as possible. 

For the past ten years, our mom can't carry on any conversation for more than a few minutes without her jumping into politics/religion and it stresses us out. We want to just have normal conversations again, but each year she gets worse and worse. I can be talking about something as benign as what pound cake flavor I made and it will somehow transition into politics/religion. I don't know how she does it. 

My siblings and I hardly see her anymore because we are tired of hearing it and ignoring her when she starts going off or telling her we don't want to talk about it seems useless. The thing is, I want a relationship with my mom. Dad passed from cancer two years ago and I don't want to miss time with her, but I just want to talk like normal human beings again. She says she's lonely and wonders why we never come see her. We make up excuses. 

My sister is afraid confronting her will make her worse because she is older and set in her ways. Should we just let it go and continue on as we have or try to have an intervention of sorts? 

We love our mom and want a relationship.  

First for some quick background info:

1. My fiance and his parents re Christian, but do not attend church on the regular.

2. Most of my family is Christian, but im not the only Atheist. 

3. My fiance and i have discussed religion in regards to marriage and children. We have come to agreements on these before getting engaged.

4. His parents pray at the table. I bow my head out of respect, but do not recite prayer. They are aware of this. 

We are visiting his grandparents soon up north (never met them) who go to church every sunday and pray at the table, etc. I told my fiance i would bow my head at the table like with his parents and attend church, but not pray. He said that was disrespectful. I told him if they asked why i would just tell them i wasnt religious. He told me to under no circumstances, reveal i wasnt a Christian. When i asked if that would be a problem, he said his grandparents were wonderful down to earth people who loved everyone, but he still didn't want me to say i was an atheist to be safe. They are in their 90s and mean a lot to him so i want to keep the peace, but i feel like its disrespectful to me to be told to lie the whole time we are there. Should i just fake it to keep the peace due to their age? I dont feel like its disrespectful to answer with the truth if they ask though. 

Okay, I'm not even engaged yet, but my boyfriend of two years has been asking probing questions lately that makes it seem like he's feeling me out to find out if id say yes when he asked. He hasn't outright done it yet, just keeps bringing up things about marriage and how hypothetically ours would go. I can see myself with him as he is a very amazing person and has always been there for me, even prior to us dating. He was with me nearly every day for weeks at the hospital when my father was dying.

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