?

Without using a cliché? Like amazing, absolutely, like, cool like (insert drivel of your own choice).............................................................................................?

Same speed in a 60, 40 or 30 mph zone. Can't these morons read a speedo?

When it comes to speaking properly a lot of people litter their verbal garbage with clichés. Amazing, at the end of the day, like,like,like. It's all a reflection of dulled and dumb, non-thinking, lazy, moronic verbal junk.

The BBC always do this. A one story news programme and nothing else happening in the world. I'm sick of their programming when it comes to news. "The most watch news channel in the UK". Well here's one viewer who'll be watching another news channel.

Only one player in the top twenty. Where has it all gone wrong?

Dinosaurs. King of the world, top of the food chain. A world rich in oxygen.

Birds evolved from dinosaurs. Less oxygen.

If the air continues to be polluted and oxygen levels decrease, given time, (about ten million years) and assuming the Earth is still habitable, will the birds shrink in size?

Just arrived home from my club and Ergenon, the butler, took my coat as usual but as he did so I noticed he had a button missing from his crisp white shirt. Shocking.

About ten minutes ago I took a break away from the keyboard and was drinking some coffee in the living room. Looking out of the window I saw a big male pheasant in our garden. All of a sudden he ran towards the hedge where at the bottom was a female pheasant. Usually they run away from him but this one lay down and he mounted her. About three seconds later he jumped off and she ran away ruffling her feathers.

Is this the normal time for a pheasant shag?

Sometimes at night, when we are asleep our cat will put her favourite toy in her water bowl. In the morning one of us will dry it out on the radiator and a couple of hours later throw it on the floor for her.

The daft cat will later on pick it up in her mouth and walk around making an awful noise then drop it on the floor and ignore it.

Next morning the toy is swimming again.

Why does our cat behave this way?

My toy boy (who's 78) says it doesn't matter but I'm very self conscious about them.

My better half (She who must be listened to), is a good cook. Main courses, sweets, puddings and just about every thing. However, her flapjacks are very reluctant to leave the baking tin in one piece. They often stick like super glue and have to forced out, often in pieces.

I thought I'd have a go myself and religiously followed the recipe and the instructions in one of her cook books. Same thing happened to my flapjacks. Any-one know where we are going wrong?

The other day I was flicking through the TV channels and came across Channel Four's Come dine with me. There was a women from Essex who when asked if she was intentionally ditzy replied no and that she had no general knowledge and no common sense.

This caught my attention.

She went onto to say (with a Straight face and without intentional humour), "Sometimes I say big words and sometimes I say little words, I'm like, er, half a dictionary". This had me falling about laughing but the best was to come.

"Y'know I'd walk into three or four poles a day if I didn't have eyes".

Brilliant. The funniest three minutes of TV I have seen in months.

It's a line from an R.E.M song.

High pulse rate, using muscles that have had a holiday and the rush of orgasm.

There's a tv programme about storage bin auctions in the USA. Here in the UK have we the same auctions?

Opinions please.

Are these people so scared of nothing after they expire that they have to invent some wonderful place to spend all of infinity? Idiots. Just because we as a species have an enquiring mind and are very intelligent (compared to the others we share this planet with), how come billions of humans can't accept the fact that our life span is quite short and we're here once only, the end?