I need help with my 24 yr old daughter and her life.?
My beautiful 24 year-old daughter had an emotional break-up with her boyfriend of 3 years in July. Since that time she has spent most nights with friends hanging out at bars. She is losing her job in two weeks when the business closes and has no other job lined up. She will not be able to pay her rent and other bills, but she seems to be almost frantic about going out every night to drink and party with these friends. I am worried about how she will get by. Can anyone help me understand what I need to do or say to get her to accept some responsibility for her choice of activities? By the age of 24 she should have grown out of the bar and party scene. She has no plans or goals for the future. She dropped out of college so she has no higher education. Please help me understand what to do.
Anonymous2006-10-13T18:19:36Z
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stand back and watch, there isnt much you can say or do, she is old enough and daft enough to make her own mistakes, if it was a bad break up she is probably letting off some steam, she was with him for 3 years meaning that they got together when she was only 21, she is just doing a bit of catching up, all you can do is be there if she needs your help, dont preach because she really wont want to hear it right now, i have been there and it takes a while. life has a very funny way of working out when you least expect it.as for bills etc rightly or wrongly thats probably the last thing on her mind right now, again she may get into trouble but would you really be doing her any favours by bailing her out when she is in this frame of mind.she has to make her own mistakes, we all make them and most of us learn from them.
When kids jump into serious relationship right away they leave the party scene behind (she was 21 when she started the relationship) she missed out on a lot and with the added stress of losing her job and not knowing what to do next she is going to want to party. Take her aside and ask her how she feels about her current situation. Don't remind her of something she already knows. Just listen to what she has to say and if you can help her get out and do other more healthy activities that she would love to do. If she likes theater take her to a play. Helping people invite her to volunteer at an old folks home. Even though she may not work right away you will be helping her relieve some of the stress by having someone to talk to (not nagging her), and getting her to be more proactive. She will eventually get out of her rut and want to go into bigger and better things. Just google stuff like free concerts, theatre, art shows, you don't have to pay for a lot of stuff to show your daughter the richness of life. And if you get her out doing what she loves it may entice her to go back to school to pursue a career in that field. Good Luck!
You can't hold her hand or nag her about her life choices.
You can ask her questions and see what response you get. You can tell her how disappointed you are and hope she does have some good choices lined up. Can provide some locations that are hiring and offer to help setting up resume. But she is grown now to do the rest.
She is a big girl. She knows what she is doing. She just needs a wake up call. When she gets in a hole, do not bail her out. Let her bail herself out of her own mess. Guide her, but don't do the work for her as she needs to learn what she does now will affect her a year from now and 10 years from now.
If she looses her apartment. Then it looks like she will learn a tough lesson and shouldn't expect to move back in with you. Which seems the direction this will be going. What will she learn about that?
If she has no jobs lined up KNOWING she is loosing her's and rather spend her time partying, then pretty much she is not mature enough.
It is one thing to help her out when she needs it. but right now, what she needs is to fall on her own to wake her up. Welcoming her to adult hood on being responsible for her own actions.
You won't be on this earth one day. What will she do then? Reason why I say you can support her by giving her choices. But not do the work and bail her out as she won't learn a thing from it.
It seems like she took the breakup pretty hard. That's why she's back in the party scene to show the world that the breakup means nothing to her. to show the world that Hey look at me! I'm doing great!!! Have you tried sitting down and having a heart to heart talk with her? Not the I know what your going through stuff but more of the hey wake up and welcome to the real world!! but before you do this you have to assess the "attitude" of your daughter. Maybe the party scene is her way of reaching out to you that she needs your help. Has she ever talked about the breakup with you? If not let her open up. It could help a lot that you're there by her side to comfort her and not to judge her.
First mom, you have to let her fall. You just be there to help her up when shes down. but you must let her fall.. She will see soon she may have to move in with you and i know we dont want that but she is your child.. Now i understand how your daughter feels it happends to use all the lose of a good job and a serious relationship its hard but she'll get thought it.. The drinking and partying well thats another case.. 24 isnt to old to go out and party now if she is acting like she is 21 and is goin home sloppy drunk then theres a problem and you should sit down with her and have a long talk...