How do i let my best friend's wife know that her husband is cheating on her?

Question

I'm friends with both the husband and the wife. The affair has been going on for almost a year, even while the wife was pregnant with their second child. I kept it a secret hoping he'd break it off but its gotten more serious over time. He lies to her constantly about where he is and putting in overtime. I talked to him about not wanting to be caught in the middle, covering up for him and he's gradually eased me off into the sidelines so I won't know where he's been. I'd walk away but I feel really bad for the wife. My friend wants to have another child with his wife so he can have more time for the other woman. He surrounds his wife with people who know about the affair but are also good friends with the other woman because the woman is someone higher up where he works. It just feels so wrong to let this continue without warning the wife. He buys the other woman's story about not expecting anything from him but he's spending more and more time with her than ever. Outwardly, he's a great husband and father but what he's subjecting his wife to seems so wrong I feel I have to let her know somehow...

2008-12-02T08:10:50Z

FYI- divorce isn't an option. We don't have it in my country.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You're right to be worried about both people (and the child!) within this marriage. She needs to know about his adultery before he makes her pregnant again, as that would be the most awful thing to happen to all involved; even the mistress! To have a baby in order to cover up his dates, who is this guy?! Your position is difficult: the bringer of bad news used to be killed in ancient societies, but nowadays people can see what you're trying to do, even if it takes some time. If you've talked to the guy several times, and he's not changing his ways, then you should go to the wife. The husband doesn't seem to deserve a chance to make up, as he's obviously not behaving properly. Once you've put together all your courage, go to her and tell her clearly and precisely what you know or have seen, and that you have had a difficult time yourself coping with knowing this secret. It's too late to think that the adultery will pass by itself and that you shouldn't interfere. She might not be grateful to you at the very moment you tell her, but she will be grateful to you in the future. At least you weren't a chicken, like all the others.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd tell the guy that he needs to make a choice.  He either calls off the affair and goes back to his wife or divorces his wife.  Tell him he has 3 months to make a decision and - after that - you're telling his wife if he hasn't made his move.  Better watch your back though - this is a great way to get murdered.

Anonymous · Answer

Usually I would say mind your business..but she needs to know. Tell the guy either he tells her, or you are going to. Tell him it is not right.

marylebone · Answer

It's none of your business.  I'd keep it as simple as that.

trukri23 · Answer

JUST TELL HER

How do i let my best friend's wife know that her husband is cheating on her?

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