How to make my daughter realize she needs to stand up for herself?
My daughter is 12 and she's ignoring bullies, but they haven't stopped. She won't talk about it and she won't stand up for herself. How do I get her to understand that this is a serious problem? She doesn't even listen to them. I had to find out through my older daughter that she was being bullied at all. The kids talk about her behind her back, though neither I nor my older daughter know what they say to her, other than what my daughter has relayed.
The only thing that we have heard about from her is that they call her "vagina" in school, since her name is Virginia.
I worry because she doesn't even listen to them. It's quite possible that they could be planning to hurt her and she doesn't seem to care. What can I do?
Nic2008-12-22T12:05:31Z
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Well sit down and have a talk with her. It sounds as though you're more bothered by this than she is. If that's the case then back off. If she really is hiding her pain then you may have to consider changing schools. I know that sounds extreme but if you approach the teacher/principal/parents the word will get out to the other kids and now she's a rat or a tattle-tail in every ones eyes not just the few nasties she was dealing with to start with. Try not to worry, high school's not far off now which will offer her a wider variety of kids to hang out with and more activities to avoid the idiots.
I've been in the same situation with my younger sister, she's 14. She has a unique name and people made fun of her for it. I love it. Her name is Charter. Our mother is, sadly, not around to help out with these situations. Since I am 3 years her senior, I take it upon myself to help out. She's a freshman and I'm a junior. I've heard and seen several incidents where one or two upperclassmen will pick on her because she's my sister. I feel like part of that is my fault because I have a reputation at school for being smart and popular and Charter doesn't exactly fit in with me. They tell her things like "Who dropped you on your head and made you different? Your sister hates you and the fact that you're here. How is Amanda so pretty and you're so ugly?" I HATE hearing people talk about her like that because I don't feel that way. I've tried time and time again to have Charter stand up to them but she never would until about a month ago. I told her that if she didn't do something about it, I would. It may be different because you are her mother but I don't think any teenage girl wants their mother or older sister/brother taking care of there problems. You could try telling Virginia that if she doesn't stand up for herself, you WILL do something about it. Just a suggestion.
The bullying won't stop if she stands up to them. They have the safety and comfort of numbers. They also have the peer pressure that comes in large numbers, too.
I think her strategy is just fine, as long as they are not causing her physical harm. They are clearly disturbed, missing something basic in their souls & their lives. If they were happy in their lives, they would not even think about hurting or teasing someone else, would they? What would the advantage be in that for them? What would be the point? They wouldn't even think to do it.
But, they do. It makes them feel bigger, in control of something. If she doesn't give them any attention for it, doesn't let them believe that they are actually gaining anything by doing so, then they will, eventually, stop. And, even if they don't, she will still have her own sense of self-esteem, pride & confidence, knowing that she did not let them affect her.
When I was in elementary school there were some children larger than me that would always threaten bodily harm. At that time, I always relied on my big sister to talk to their big sisters and brothers or for my mom to talk with their mom. Eventually, my mom realized this wasn't teaching me much because they were always there to "bail me out". To teach me that I had to handle these issues myself, she and my sister would no longer handle my battles for me. Anytime I would come home with an issue, she would help me find the right action to take for myself. She would help me find the right words to say to defend myself without provoking a fight. Also, (this may not be accepted by most people), but she wouldn't intervene when my sister and I would get into fights, except of course if it became outrageous. I couldn't thank my mom more for doing this. Once I gained confidence in myself, I let those bullies know for myself that I wasn't going to take their cruelty. Finally the bullying stopped and I never had to get into a fight to get it done.
in the experience that your daughter is afraid to withstand different teenagers her very own age, that's possibly merely as intimidating to withstand you attempting to justify why she's not status up for herself... fairly while she does not even understand why. She's not yet sufficiently previous to rather comprehend her strikes and her subconscious thoughts. teenagers' personalities are what they're and you will't rather substitute that approximately her... what you are able to help substitute is channeling her anger, concern, and unhappiness with the aid of training her coping skills so she would be able to be nicely-adjusted as an grownup. finding on what she likes, she would have a place interior the domicile the place she attracts approximately her thoughts or writes approximately them... some thing to help her vent while not having to confront all and sundry (mutually with you) different than for herself. you ought to open the door and permit her to experience risk-free to return to you and share her drawing or writing with you and you ought to talk along with her in an empathetic way. Ask her what she desires from you. talk approximately once you have been a baby being picked on and how that made you experience and what you have discovered that enables now. additionally, have you ever considered any variety of game that enables her to vent frustration? some thing like Tae Kwon Do could be suitable because of fact it additionally teaches human beings to stand up for themselves. solid luck!